Let Me Come Home on a Summer Night
by SouvenirsFamiliers
Summary: They would run through the dusty field out behind their house, laughing as their bare feet pounded on the dirt, running from the storm clouds that followed them. They would come inside grinning and wet and muddy, and their mother would scold them, and neither of them could ever remember being happier. They grew up brothers. Thorki AU.
1. Chapter 1

_Chapter 1_

Thor and Loki lived with their parents in a sprawling house in Alabama that had been in their mother's family for generations. She had been a model Southern Belle in her youth, and her smile and charm had not faded with the years. Their father loved their mother so much he didn't know what to do with himself, though he was always gruff and awkward around her in public. As for Loki and Thor – boys would be boys, and they tried to spend as much time away from their parents as possible.

They would run through the dusty field out behind their house, laughing as their bare feet pounded on the dirt, running from the storm clouds that followed them, and when the first drops of rain fell, Thor would tackle Loki to the ground. They would come inside grinning and wet and muddy, and their mother would scold them, and neither of them could ever remember being happier.

They grew up brothers.

* * *

It was winter and raining and Thor and Loki were bored. Their mother was trying to get them to help make dinner, so Loki was holding the top off the stew while she stirred. Thor was having none of it, and he was sitting on the floor watching them. "Are we ever going to get a sister?" he asked plaintively.

Frigga laughed and let Loki put the lid back on the stew. "Why would you want another sibling? You have a brother right here."

Thor frowned and rested his chin on his knees. "I just . . . thought it would be nice to have a sister."

Frigga looked at Loki in confusion, and he rolled his eyes and mouthed, _"Jane."_

"Oh," she said. "Didn't one of the girls in your class get a baby sister recently? Jane?"

Thor blushed. "She's really cute," he mumbled.

"Jane or the baby?" Loki asked, and Thor tried to hit him, but he darted out of the way, smirking.

"Not in the kitchen," Frigga scolded them gently. "And it isn't up to you if we have another baby." She reached down and placed a kiss on Thor's forehead, and then quickly pecked Loki on the cheek. "You two are all I need."

"But you _could _have another one, if you wanted to."

Frigga laughed, though a little sadly. "I'm afraid you were my one and only chance, honey," she told Thor, and she ruffled his hair.

Thor stilled under her hand. He frowned up in her confusion, and she realized too late what she had said. "What?"

Frigga looked at Loki. His face had gone pale. She took a step towards him and he took a step back. "What do you mean?"

Frigga's face fell. "Oh, darling," she said, and Loki bolted out of the room.

Loki locked himself in his room. Thor sat outside, his head resting against the doorjamb, and talked and pleaded with Loki until Loki finally opened the door. Loki looked at him, his eyes red, and wordlessly let him inside before he locked the door again. They curled up under the covers, and Thor held Loki's hands and pressed their foreheads together while Loki cried in long, heart-wrenching sobs that made his whole body shake.

"Why didn't anyone tell me," Loki whispered after he had calmed down. "I thought –" He looked dangerously close to tears again, and Thor tensed, but his eyes remained dry. "I thought we were brothers."

"We are," Thor assured him, and he squeezed his hand. "We'll always be brothers. I don't care that you're adopted." Loki flinched at the word, but Thor kept going. "I mean it, Loki. I don't care if ma doesn't have any more kids, as long as I still have you. I'll – I'll always be here."

Loki smiled. "You had better be." Thor grinned, and he decided that Loki was finally alright.

After that, Loki changed. He grew more sullen and spoke less. Thor was the only one who didn't start to avoid him. That meant more to Loki than he would ever say.

* * *

Every Sunday, they would dress up for church. Even when they were young, Loki would always be spotless, even though he whined about having to wear the collared shirt that pinched at his neck and the uncomfortable shoes. Thor was frequently covered in dust from wrestling with his friends, and at least a few buttons were always undone. Frigga would make a displeased noise and Odin would sigh, but Loki would always be the one to brush off the dirt first. He would do up Thor's buttons one at at time, frowning as he fumbled with them, but Thor never complained. He would smile at Loki, and Loki could feel his warm breath on his face.

When the summer thunderstorms would come, Loki would sneak into Thor's room. Thor was a heavy sleeper and didn't mind the thunder and lightening, but he would wake up when Loki crawled into his bed. It wasn't the thunder that frightened Loki: it was the lightening. Thor would move over, and Loki would bury his face in his pillow to block out the light. Somehow, it seemed like lightening would never dare strike Thor.

"Those boys," a neighbor once said to Frigga, "They look out for each other."

Frigga smiled. "They do."

* * *

"I'm making pie," Frigga called. "Thor, what flavor do you want?"

Thor and Loki, who had been playing in Thor's bedroom, raced for the stairs. Thor easily elbowed Loki aside and took the stairs two at a time, while Loki rolled his eyes and followed close behind him. "What about Loki?" Thor demanded when he reached the kitchen.

Frigga was at the counter rolling out the crust while Odin washed the dishes leftover from breakfast. "Loki already told me what he wants," Frigga told Thor over her shoulder. "It's down to pumpkin or apple."

"I vote apple," Odin rumbled, and he reached over and gave his wife a peck on the shoulder. She shrugged him off and smiled.

"What if it's a tie?" Thor asked.

"I'm not voting," replied Frigga. "Now hurry, because this needs to go in the oven."

"What did you vote for?" Thor asked Loki, but Loki just smirked and leaned against the doorway.

"I'm not telling you."

Thor hesitated. "What will it be?" Frigga asked.

"Pumpkin," Thor said finally. He watched Loki closely, and he saw Loki's lips curve into a smile.

"Damn," said Odin.

"Pumpkin it is! Now wash your hands, because both of you have to help."

"Ha," said Odin with a smile as his sons groaned.

"It'll be apple next time," Frigga assured him.

"Mmm-hmm," said Odin, and he and his wife exchanged a long, lingering glance and a warm smile. Thor and Loki rolled their eyes at each other as they both stole a bit of the pastry dough.

"Stop that," Frigga told them. "One of you, put the crust in the oven so the middle can cook while we make the filling."

"I'll do it!" shouted Thor, but Loki had already grabbed the glass pie plate. Thor opened the oven and reached for the pie, but Loki outmaneuvered him.

"No. I had it first, Thor," he said as he slid it in the oven, but Thor was still reaching for it, and he bumped into Loki. The pie plate slipped from Loki's hands, and Thor barely managed to keep it from falling onto the floor. Loki's hand hit the hot door of the oven and he let out a sharp exclamation of pain.

Thor looked up wide-eyed. Frigga muttered something under her breath and steered her younger son to the sink, pushing her husband out of the way in the process. She turned the water on cold and stuck Loki's hand under it. Loki hissed at the pressure on the burn.

Odin and Thor could do nothing but watch. Odin's hands were dripping water and soap suds on the floor. It was stupid, but Thor was on the edge of tears, and when he met his father's eyes, Odin noticed. He pulled Thor into a hug and sighed. "It wasn't your fault," he told Thor.

"Yes, it was!" Loki snapped over his shoulder. His eyebrows were drawn together and he looked more angry than in pain. "You _always_ side with Thor. He was the one who pushed me."

"That wasn't his intention."

"It doesn't matter whose fault it was," Frigga said before Loki could open his mouth to reply. She turned off the water. "Thor, get the filling started. Loki, go sit down. Don't put any pressure on the burn." As Loki passed him, Thor saw that the side of his hand was bright red. Thor angrily turned back to the mixing bowl and reached for the pumpkin.

When the pie was done, Thor went looking for Loki. He found him sitting on the back porch, reading a book. Thor glanced at the title and immediately lost interest; _Principia Mathematica _by Sir Isaac Newton, said the part of the cover that wasn't covered by Loki's fingers. Loki was frowning heavily. It looked like he was having a hard time getting through it.

"I brought you some pie," Thor said.

"Thank you," said Loki without looking up.

"I'm sorry, Loki," Thor said. He tried not to sound miserable and failed. When Loki didn't react, Thor sat down next to him, grabbed the fork off the plate, and cut off a forkful of pie.

"Hey!" said Loki, and he hastily put the book down in his lap.

"Ah, ah," said Thor, grinning. He held the pie out of reach. "Show me the burn first."

Loki rolled his eyes. "You're such a child," he said, but obediently held out his hand. The redness had faded, but there was now a blister sitting angrily under the skin.

Thor's mouth compressed into an unhappy line. He handed over the pie. "Here."

"Thank you." Loki took the pie too quickly, pretending not to notice Thor's expression. He took an eager bite . . . and chewed very slowly. His expression turned quizzical.

"Yeah," Thor said. "I might have put in too much cinnamon."

Loki coughed, and then laughed. "'Might have'?"

Thor grinned and leaned his head against Loki's knee. "Do you forgive me?"

"Yes," said Loki, and he mussed Thor's hair. He paused, his hand still buried in Thor's shaggy blond locks.

Thor peered curiously at Loki through his fringe. Loki was giving him a very strange look. "What?"

Without comment, Loki leaned in and buried his nose in Thor's hair. "Your hair smells like cinnamon," he said in what sounded like awe. Thor froze. Loki pulled back and looked at Thor. "How in _hell _did you get cinnamon in your hair?"

"Loki Laufey Borrsson," Frigga called out the window, "I had better not have just heard you swear."

"No, ma," Loki and Thor chorused. Loki smiled at Thor, and when he finally removed his fingers from Thor's hair, Thor's scalp tingled.

* * *

At some point, Loki's interest in church disappeared altogether. Thor could see it in his eyes and the bored set of his mouth, but he kept coming anyway. He didn't sing the hymns anymore, and Thor missed it. He missed trying to pick Loki's voice out of the crowd, and he missed trying to match their harmonies until their voices made one wavering tone. But Loki simply stood there quietly, staring ahead, and no one ever said a word about it.

The year Loki turned fourteen, Thor and Loki were waiting for their parents one day outside of church after the service. Loki leaned in close to Thor and stared at him intently. Thor stood still and eyed him warily. ". . . Brother?"

"You have freckles."

Thor frowned at him. "What?" He wiped his hand over his face like he could feel them. "_No_ I don't!"

A mischievous smile spread across Loki's face. "Then why did your voice just crack, hmm?"

Thor could feel his face heating. "That doesn't have anything to do with it. I don't have freckles. It's probably dust or something." He wiped at his face again, but he didn't know where these "freckles" were supposed to be. Loki seemed to be looking at his mouth, and that couldn't be right.

Loki's eyes jumped back up to Thor's. He grinned again, a slow grin that made Thor blush twice as fast. _Damn _it, he was wasn't embarrassed! "You have freckles, Thor. You've been spending too much time in the sun."

"Come on," Thor said in a voice that sounded remarkably like a whine. He tried to lower his voice. "How come I've never noticed them?"

"Well, you don't have very many." Loki reached out. Thor flinched away, but Loki was too fast and ran his finger down the side of Thor's nose. "There's just a couple."

"How many exactly?"

Loki leaned in closer, squinting at Thor's skin. "Hmm . . . maybe just one."

"One!" Thor snorted. "You can't have just one freckle!"

Loki's eyes met Thor's, and they were close – so close, Thor could see the little flecks of darker green in the midst of the jade. Jesus, he had beautiful eyes. No one else had eyes like that in their family. "You do," said Loki, and he turned away laughing.

Thor felt like this was connected to church, somehow, but that was ridiculous. He clapped his hand to his face again, absently tracing the same line that Loki had. Freckles and God had nothing to do with each other.

Besides, he didn't _have_ freckles.

* * *

As they got taller and Thor's hair became longer, Thor's clothes became neater and neater. He was never covered in dirt anymore, but for some reason he always left the top two buttons of his collared shirt undone. Loki would wordlessly move closer to him and button them up with deft fingers. Thor would watch him, watch the slight shadow made by a loose, dark curl of hair, the line of his eyelashes as he gazed down at his work. Being so close to Loki was like suffocating in the heat of a summer's day. He could feel the warmth of Loki's fingers on the hollow of his throat, and Thor would hold his breath as though that would preserve the moment.

Then Loki would finish, sometimes with a tug on Thor's collar to straighten it and the slightest brush of his fingers on Thor's skin. He always moved away without so much as glancing at Thor's face, and Thor felt himself drawn after him. He wanted to see that flash of green eyes directed at him, the way Loki's lips parted when it was too hot out and sweat collected on his upper lip–

Thor always had to look away, then, because Loki might be adopted, might never get the broad shoulders Thor had inherited from Odin, might never be able to give Frigga's easy smile, but they were brothers. That was the one boundary they could never cross. Thor never thought about why, about why he wasn't supposed to watch the curve of Loki's throat in the afternoon light: it was just the way it was.

And then, one summer, everything changed.


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2_

It was fall and it was cold.

Loki made his way quickly down the stairs of the high school, being jostled as he went. He huffed out a breath and pulled his backpack more securely over his shoulder. "Loki!" someone called excitedly. When Loki looked up, he was unsurprised to see Thor making his way towards him. He was surprised to see that he was alone.

"Hey," Thor said breathlessly, coming to a stop in front of Loki and completely ignoring the dirty looks of the other students. Loki dutifully stopped to avoid running into Thor, and the end-of-school crowds parted to go around them.

Loki was fourteen and in his first year of high school. Thor was a sophomore, nearly sixteen, and in classic Thor fashion, had completely skipped the gangly, awkward stage that Loki was currently stuck in. Thor's grin was bright enough to make even his teachers smile back, and he had more friends than Loki suspected he knew what to do with. He no time for anyone but his friends. This didn't surprise Loki, but it hurt, so he ignored it as much as he possibly could. Thor grinned at him and Loki raised an eyebrow, pretending to be unimpressed. To him, after all, Thor was just his brother.

"What."

"I'm going to Jane's house after school, so tell ma and pa I might be late for dinner, okay?"

Loki rolled his eyes. "Sure."

"See you later!" Thor dashed away again. Loki watched him go, and then pushed a dark curl of hair out of his eyes and resumed his way down the stairs. He tried to crush his disappointment. After all, he should be used to this by now.

He made his way to the carpool and slipped into the backseat of their father's sedan. "Where's Thor?" Odin asked.

Loki pulled the door shut with a slam and set his attention on buckling his seatbelt. "Jane's. He'll be late for dinner."

"Ah." Odin pulled away from the curb. Loki watched the school turn into an empty field, then a used auto parts store, then a neighborhood.

"How was school?"

"Fine." They didn't say another word during the drive home.

* * *

When they got home, Loki, being the studious child he was, curled up on the couch in the living room with a collection of Victorian erotica with an innocuous title that he had found in the library. He had told his parents it was a book for school. It wasn't.

At nearly 6:30, Jane's car rolled into their driveway. Both Thor and jane had driver's licenses, but neither of them was technically allowed to drive other people yet. When they walked in the door, Loki lowered his book and narrowed his eyes at them. Jane was smiling, Thor was grinning, and Odin and Frigga welcomed Jane to dinner as though she was a third child rather than a house guest who had probably just broken the law by driving their true-born child home. Loki scoffed, and then looked at Thor curiously. Thor couldn't seem to stop grinning.

Thor finally noticed Loki. "Heeey, little brother," he said, and he walked over to Loki and ruffled his hair.

Loki made a spluttering noise like an angry cat and batted Thor's hand away. "What was that for?!" Thor took one look at Loki's bright red face, laughed, and walked away without any explanation. Loki huffed and tried to smooth his hair into something presentable. Thor hadn't called him "little brother" for a long time. Loki _hated _it when he did.

"Loki? Are you going to come eat?"

Loki put his book down and followed Thor into the dining room. He sat down, they said grace, and Loki turned his attention to the food.

"How was your day at school, Thor?" asked Frigga as she served herself a slice of bread.

Thor cleared his throat awkwardly. "Well, today –" His eyes slid over to Jane, which Loki noticed with a slight raised eyebrow. Thor wasn't one to forget what he was saying. "That is, uh. Jane and I are dating."

"Oh, that's wonderful," said Frigga with brilliant smile.

"Congratulations," Odin rumbled.

Thor grinned while Jane blushed and tried to act casual about it at his side. Loki stared at Thor from across the table.

"Loki, don't look so shocked," said Odin as he passed his wife the salad. "We were talking the other day about how we were waiting for this to happen." He gave Thor a knowing look. Thor turned a little pink.

_"Really?"_ asked Jane with a disbelieving smile. She was more than a little red.

"Yeah," said Loki, and he quickly turned his attention back to his food. Odin had made a passing comment about it two dinners before, which Thor had missed because he had been having dinner at Jane's house. Talking about it was one thing; having it happen was another. He felt something tight begin to coil in his gut. He wasn't sure whether to feel happy for Thor or . . . not.

When it was time for Jane to go home, Thor walked her outside. Loki hesitated, and then went to the living room window to watch them. Thor and Jane talked for a moment by the car Jane had borrowed. Thor took her hands as they talked, and then they both went quiet. They looked at each other for a long moment. Jane was smiling slightly and her pretty brown eyes were focused entirely on Thor. She leaned up and kissed him.

Loki closed the curtains and walked away as steadily and purposefully as he could. Later, he would remember that moment like a sliver of glass that had been slipped under his ribs.

* * *

In December, Thor turned sixteen. Some of the limitations on his license were lifted, so it became his responsibility to drive himself and Loki home from school. More often than not, Jane came with them. She would sit in the front and talk with Thor while Loki would sit in the back, staring out the window or at his iPod.

When Loki turned fifteen, he decided he wanted to get his learner's permit. Odin had taught Thor how to drive, but after one too many near-death experiences for both of them, Odin had swore he wouldn't be the one to teach Loki. That responsibility fell to Thor, so they spent hours driving up and down the stretch of road in front of their house.

Loki loved driving.

One day when they were finished, Thor got out of the car and slammed the door shut. He was smiling as he looked at Loki.

"What?" Loki asked as he slammed the driver's door shut. He fiddled with the keys self-consciously in one hand.

Thor crossed his arms and leaned against the car's hood. "That's the first time I've seen you smile all week."

Loki grinned. "Only because of the look on your face when I took that corner."

"Hey, don't joke about that. That was seriously scary–"

Loki laughed and headed towards the house.

"Hey," said Thor, and Loki felt a hand close around his wrist. Loki froze. Thor wrapped his arms around Loki in a backwards hug. "I like seeing you happy, brother."

Loki felt something hot run down his spine. One of Thor's hands was splayed flat on his chest. Since when had Thor's hands been so big? "Jane may like it when you're so sentimental, but that doesn't mean you can be like that with the rest of us," Loki said without really knowing what he was saying. He needed to get _away. _He tried to slip out of Thor's grasp, but it took a second before Thor would let him go. When he did, Loki danced away, a smile already on his face: _It's all a joke, just a joke. _Thor looked hurt.

"I mean it," said Thor, and Loki laughed at him.

When Loki got to his room, he closed the door behind him and pressed a hand against it to make sure it stayed closed. His face was flushed and his heart rattled in his chest. It was Thor. Thor was his _brother_.

Loki wanted to scream.

* * *

A year later, Thor turned seventeen. Loki was in his room working on homework when his cellphone vibrated. _Thor, _it said. He rolled his eyes and answered the phone. "What?"

"Loki?" said a tremulous female voice.

Loki looked again at the caller ID. He returned the phone dubiously to his ear. "Yes?"

"It's Darcy. Jane's sister?"

"Oh," Loki said in relief, but then his stomach sank. "What is it? Has Thor done something?"

"He threw up."

Loki wanted to laugh. "Okay. Do I need to pick him up?"

"Yes please."

"I'll be right there." Loki hung up and grabbed the car keys. "Hey pa," he called, "can I borrow the car? I need to pick up Thor."

Odin appeared in the doorway and looked at Loki. "What happened to the car he borrowed?" Loki shrugged. "Okay," said Odin dubiously.

Loki ran out the door, and the screen door banged close behind him. If Thor had thrown up on the upholstery, Odin was _not _going to be pleased.

* * *

Jane opened the door. Loki took one look at her face and knew what had happened.

"He got drunk," he said flatly.

"I told them not to," she said immediately, "but they had some beer and he wanted to prove he could do it."

"I'm sure he did," Loki said disgustedly, and he brushed past her into the house. It wasn't difficult to find Thor; he was lying on the couch looking like death, and a glass of water and a half-eaten piece of bread were sitting beside him.

"Oh, Loki," said Jane's father in relief. "He seems to be doing a lot better now. If you get him to bed, he should be okay in the morning." He paused. "Your father isn't coming?"

"Yeah," said Loki. He went over to Thor and poked his arm. "Can you move?"

Thor groaned in response. "Alright," said Loki, and he and Jane's father got him to sit up. Loki put Thor's arm over his shoulders and heaved upwards. Thor stood unsteadily and leaned against him heavily. He _looked _nauseous. "When did he throw up?"

"Just a few minutes before Darcy called you."

It had taken Loki nearly twenty minutes to get there. "You'll be alright," Loki told Thor, and they made their slow way out of the house.

"Tell your father I said hi," Jane's father called after them.

"I will," Loki replied. He and Thor made their way to the car, and they had to pause when they reached it for Loki to fumble for the door handle.

"Swear not to tell pa," Thor said with a groan.

"I promise," said Loki. He opened the passenger door and pushed Thor inside.

* * *

The next morning, they were back on the road. Thor was leaning against the window with an icepack pressed to his forehead and a hand over his eyes to block out the rising sun.

"I hate you," Thor said conversationally.

"What a coincidence," said Loki.

The minute they had gotten home, Loki had told Odin what had happened. Odin had given Thor a thunderous look that the two of them hand only seen a handful of times, and then he had ordered them to bed without another word. He had woken them up early that morning and told them on no uncertain terms that Loki was going to take Thor back to Jane's house and then Thor was going to _apologize_. Now, Thor was clearly more than a little hungover and Loki wanted to hit something. It wasn't _his fault, _it was Thor's, but that morning, Odin had looked at Loki like he wanted to murder him.

"You know his friends better than we do," Odin had told him as he slammed the car keys into his hand. "You should keep him out of trouble."

"Fuck that," Loki muttered as he pulled into Jane's driveway.

"What?" mumbled Thor.

"Nothing. We're here."

Thor got out of the car and tramped up to the front door. Loki slammed his door shut and followed at a more leisurely pace. Jane's father answered the door promptly.

"I'm very sorry for vomiting on your carpet, Mr. Foster," Thor said seriously. "And for behaving indecently," he added, which Loki sincerely hoped was only a reference to his drunken state. Loki waited at the bottom of the steps.

"It's fine," Jane's father assured Thor. "But thank you for apologizing. It won't happen again, right?"

Thor grinned. "Right. I'll see you around, Mr. Foster."

"Yes, you will. Bye Thor. Bye Loki!" he called over Thor's shoulder. Loki nodded at him. He closed the door. When Thor reached Loki, Loki raised an eyebrow: _You awake enough to drive? _Thor made a face and headed towards the car that was still parked forlornly in the corner of the driveway. That was answer enough. Loki got into his car and watched Thor out of the corner of his rearview mirror. Thor looked tired as he got in behind the wheel, but awake enough to drive. Loki started up the car and backed onto the street. As he drove, he kept an eye on Thor following him at a short distance farther down the road.

Thor was almost eighteen. He was supposed to be the adult, the responsible one, but he just looked tired. Loki wanted to press his head against the glass and close his eyes, the way he did when Thor used to take him out driving when Thor first got his license. He wanted Thor to lean on him when he was tired, the way he used to when they were younger. He wanted . . .

Loki tightened his hands on the wheel and kept his gaze firmly on the horizon. Thor was many things, but he was not an idiot. Thor had very firm ideas about what one _should _do, but he payed little attention to what one _shouldn't _do. It was incomprehensible to him that anyone he knew and loved could ever do anything morally wrong. Sometimes Thor broke laws – he went places he wasn't supposed to, he drank things he wasn't allowed to – but somehow, Thor never thought he was in the wrong. They were just things that people did, and they didn't hurt anyone, so it was fine.

But Loki – Loki did not play by Thor's rules. Every time he lied, he could see that it was like a punch in the gut to Thor. He knew that Thor did not _want _to understand that Loki was capable of betrayal and things they had been brought up to believe were wrong, but it was only a matter of time before Thor did understand. And when he did, he would never talk to Loki again.


	3. Chapter 3

_Warnings for this chapter: _People in a lot of pain. Specifically, one person in a lot of pain. You'll see it coming. Start reading, and if it bothers you, scroll down to "Yup" and you won't miss much.

* * *

_Chapter 3_

It was the the night of Thor's senior prom. Loki could have gone, since he was a junior, but he didn't. When Thor got home a little after midnight, the house was dark. Thor took a deep breath, got out of the car, and slammed the car door shut. It was a hot summer night, and the air weighed heavily on him through his suit. He had told his parents he would be home by 11:30, and hadn't been sure if they would wait up for him. He locked the car and strode down the walkway to their house.

He wouldn't have noticed Loki if he hadn't chosen that moment to move the cigarette away from his mouth, creating a momentary arch in the air with the red embers glowing at the tip. Thor stopped in his tracks. It took a moment, but his eyes adjusted, and he saw that Loki was sitting on their front porch beside the door, watching him. Thor huffed out an irritated breath at having been startled by him, and started walking again. There was something white and rectangular on the porch next to him, and as Thor came closer, he realized that it was an envelope. Thor stopped a step below Loki and gazed at the letter. A muscle in his jaw jumped and his eyes snapped to Loki's. Loki took another drag from his cigarette. "What is that?" Thor asked in a low voice.

"Do ma and pa know?" Loki asked.

"Know what?"

"That you're going to school at Oklahoma State," Loki snapped. "I'm sure they'll be thrilled that you're going to school _so close to home." _

Thor glared at him. "That letter wasn't yours to read. I haven't heard back from everywhere yet."

"You don't need to," Loki told him. He tapped his cigarette on the edge of the porch and some ash fell to the ground. "You're going there, and our parents won't complain because you got a full ride scholarship."

Thor snatched the letter up from the ground. "So why do you care? You'll be off somewhere in a year anyway."

Loki's eyes glowed softly with the light of his cigarette. "Jane got in." It wasn't a question.

Thor's mouth tightened. "Yes."

"Is there any other reason you want to go to Arkansas? The athletics? Do they have a good physics program–"

"I want to major in business!" Thor nearly shouted. They were both silent for several long moments. Thor barely dared to breathe. Loki's cigarette was slowly turning to ash between his fingers. When no noise came from the house, Thor let out a frustrated sigh and went up the last step. "I'm going to bed," he said more quietly. The screen door screamed as he opened it, and he winced.

"They went to aunt Eir's for the night because they knew you'd be back late," Loki told him. "You're not going to wake them up."

Thor swore under his breath. He had no idea if Loki was telling the truth or not, and he tried to open the door quietly and close it carefully behind him, but the screen door banged against the wall despite his efforts. He climbed the stairs without bothering to be quiet; either their parents really were out of the house, or Thor had already woken them up.

Thor went to his bedroom and put the acceptance letter on his bedside table. He undressed quickly and changed into his pajamas before going to brush his teeth. When he came out of the bathroom, he saw that the light was on under Loki's door. He hesitated. _It's not his fault, _he told himself. _He just . . . can't accept that he's going to miss you. _Thor walked quietly over to Loki's door and knocked once.

There was a pause, and then, "Come in." Thor opened the door and walked inside.

Loki was perched on his window sill. The cigarette was gone, for which Thor was thankful. Loki had promised he would quit after Frigga found out about the new habit the summer before, but somehow he had never gotten around to it. Frigga knew, and Loki knew that she and Thor hated the smell of smoke, but Loki never smoked inside and Frigga had stopped saying anything about it.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," Thor said. He walked over to Loki's bed and plopped down on it. Loki looked mildly irritated at that, but he didn't say anything. Even from this distance and in the light of Loki's lamp, Thor could see that Loki had bags under his eyes. He looked tired. After a moment of silence, Thor asked, "Why do you _really _not want me to go?"

Loki rested his head against the side of the window frame. The air that wafted inside was cool and sweet. A cricket was chirping outside. "You're making a mistake."

"How?"

"Jane," Loki said.

Thor sighed. "If you spent any time with her–"

"I don't needto know her any better to know she's wrong for you." Loki's eyes flashed. "You two aren't going to last, and you shouldn't be making decisions based on what _she _wants."

"Brother–"

"I am _not _your brother!"

Hurt flashed across Thor's face. "Don't ever say that again," Thor said quietly. Loki pressed his lips together and looked away. There was a long silence. Thor ran his hand through his hair and sighed. When he pulled his hand away, a strand of his hair stuck up awkwardly. "If this is because you're jealous–"

"This isn't about jealousy!" Loki's leaned awkwardly out the window to reach the pack of cigarettes in his back pocket. His hands shook as he grabbed one between his teeth and lit it.

"Loki," Thor said warningly. He stood and walked over to Loki.

"I can do what I like!" Loki snapped at him, and he yanked the cigarette out of his mouth and held it out of Thor's reach.

"Why do you do this?" Thor demanded. He was very close to Loki, and he could smell the smoke strongly in the air. "You're going to give yourself cancer." Loki brought the cigarette back to his lips in what was clearly a defiant gesture. Just as he drew it away, Thor tried to grab it, but Loki quickly moved it out of his reach. Thor snatched at the cigarette, Loki leaned away from him, and Thor's eyes locked with Loki's just as Loki lost his balance. Thor saw Loki's eyes widen, and then Loki fell out the window.

"Loki!" Thor yelled. He lunged for his hand, but it was too late. Loki hit the cement patio below with a sickening crunch and a strangled cry of anguish. Thor felt his whole world tip sideways. He gripped the white, splintery windowsill so hard he wasn't sure he could let go, and he had a momentary, mad urge to follow Loki.

Thor barely remembered pushing himself away from the window, running across the room, and flinging the door open. He took the stairs two at a time and nearly fell in his rush to get outside. He slammed the front door open so hard, it and the screen door both bounced against the side of the house. When he reached the patio, Loki was letting out broken sobs.

"Oh my god," Thor heard himself say, and he knelt down at Loki's side. Loki looked up at him pitifully, his face wet with tears. Loki's body was twisted and broken, and there was blood. A lot of blood.

"Thor," Loki said, and then he let out a noise Thor never wanted to hear him make again. "It hurts so much," he whimpered.

Thor pulled Loki's head into his lap and stroked his hair. "It's okay," he said nonsensically, because it wasn't okay, and it wasn't going to be okay. "I need to call an ambulance. Just – just wait here, and I'll go get my cell from inside."

"No!" Loki's hand sprang out and grabbed Thor's wrist. His fingers dug into Thor's skin. Loki looked up at Thor with absolute terror in his eyes. "Don't leave me. _Please." _Loki gasped in a broken breath and tried for a weak smile. "Besides, we can't afford an ambulance."

"Okay, okay," Thor said. He forced himself to look at Loki's body. His legs were a mess, but Thor had no idea how to carry him without touching them. "I need to carry you to the car. This is going to hurt a lot, okay?"

Loki let out a sob that might have been supposed to be a laugh. "No shit."

"I can get you some Advil–"

"No." Loki took a deep breath and seemed to calm down. "Just get me to the hospital."

Thor hesitated, then put his arm under Loki's shoulders. As gently and quickly as he could, he put his other arm under Loki's legs and stood up. Loki buried his head in Thor's shoulder, but it barely muffled his scream.

Carrying Loki to the car was the worst experience of Thor's life. Loki clung to him and screamed in pure agony, and by the time they reached the car Thor was nearly running because he just wanted it to _stop_. He did not understand how Loki could possibly be in that much pain and not have passed out. When they got to the car, he had to set Loki on the ground so he could unlock the doors and open the one to the backseat. Loki had closed his eyes and was just trying to breath, but when Thor came to pick him back up, Loki opened his eyes and _smiled _at Thor. "This had better be the last time," he said hoarsely.

"Yup," said Thor grimly, and he picked Loki up and put him in the back seat.

It took them about five minutes of driving for the pain to subside enough that Loki stopped groaning. Thor's hands were shaking and he was half sure they were going to crash before they made it to the hospital, but when he looked at Loki in the rearview mirror, Loki looked perfectly calm. He had to be in shock. He was looking out the window from where he was half-propped up, and he seemed to be concentrating on breathing through his nose. A whimper only escaped his lips when they went over a bump or Thor made too sharp a turn. Thor tried to concentrate on driving, but it was so hard to know that Loki was in that much pain and he could do nothing to stop it.

"Would you mind lighting this for me?" Loki asked when they came to a stop at a red light. Thor turned around in his seat and saw that Loki had somehow gotten a cigarette out of the pack in his pocket. He was holding it and his lighter out to Thor, one in each hand. Thor looked at him, and looked at the cigarette, and put his hands over Loki's thin cold ones. He felt the metal of the lighter and the paper of the cigarette press against his skin, but he didn't take them. Thor looked into his eyes, searching for some reassurance that Loki _was going to be okay, _and Loki smiled. "I just want one last one."

_My seventeen-year-old brother thinks he's going to die, _Thor thought, and he took the cigarette and lighter from Loki with trembling hands. _Loki thinks he's going to die. _He lit the cigarette on the first try, and then he handed it and the lighter back to him. He turned back to the road to find that the light had turned green and someone was honking at him, and he put the car back in first gear and they started forward.

When he looked in the rearview mirror at Loki again, Loki was smoking the cigarette calmly and looking out the window. The tears had dried on his cheeks, his hair was tangled and bloody, but there was something heartbreakingly beautiful about the way the moonlight caught his expression. Something stuck in Thor's throat. He wanted to tell Loki how much he meant to him – how brave he was – that he was the bravest person he knew, braver than Thor would ever be – but he couldn't speak. _I love you, _he thought as he looked at Loki. Loki shifted slightly and rested his head against the headrest. A strand of hair fell across his neck.

That was when it struck Thor. _I'm in love with you, _he thought. _You can't die._

Thor quickly looked back at the road and he had to jerk the car away from where he had been about to drive off the line. He wiped his eyes so that he could see the road properly. The hospital was over fifteen minutes away from their house, and they had a long way to go.


	4. Chapter 4

_Chapter 4_

That summer, Thor spent as much time with Loki as he could. He hardly went out with Jane at all, but he and Loki never talked about it. Loki spent a lot of the time on the couch complaining that he was too hot or too cold or too thirsty while the rest of the family went in and out of the house. Thor was the only one who reliably never got irritated with him, and for that, everyone was silently grateful.

Loki had been home for only a few days when he had a reaction to his new pain medication. Thor smoothed his hair back while he vomited into the toilet. Thor wordlessly filled a glass of water and rubbed circles into his back as he handed it to him. He hated it, on some level, that he had had more physical contact with Loki in the past week than he had in the last few years. He hated it that these were the moments he was going to treasure when he left home. "I'm sorry," Thor told him while Loki swished the water around in his mouth.

Loki spat and looked blankly forward. "Don't be," he said. His voice was slightly hoarse, and when Thor looked at him, he didn't look sad or in pain; he just looked tired. "You don't have to do this."

"I do," said Thor, and he kept rubbing circles into Loki's back. "You're my brother."

"Loki?" called Frigga, and a moment later she had run up the stairs and was leaning over Loki. "Oh, darling. Let's get you back to bed. I'll make you some chicken soup and call the doctor to get you a new prescription."

"Thanks, ma," said Loki.

Thor moved aside and Frigga gripped the handles on the wheelchair. She wheeled Loki into his bedroom. It took both her and Thor to get Loki back in bed. She sat on the edge of Loki's bed and smoothed back his hair. Loki looked up at her with strangely bright eyes. "Thor," she said without looking up, "Will you go get me that bowl? It should be downstairs under the sink."

When Thor was gone, Frigga took Loki's hand in her own and looked at him sadly. "Loki."

"What?" he asked defiantly.

"I'm your mother," she told him quietly as she stoked his hand. "You don't have to be strong for me."

Loki swallowed, and swallowed again. His mouth curved down in sad line. She hugged him, and he made a noise that might have been a cough or a sob.

When Thor's heavy footstep sounded on the first step, Frigga released her son. Loki quickly wiped away the wetness from his face and Frigga handed him a tissue. By the time Thor reached the room looking concerned, Loki was lying with his head turned to one side and his eyes closed. Frigga took the bowl from Thor and placed it beside the bed, and then they quietly left the room.

After the door had closed and the sound of their footsteps, accompanied by Thor's worried tones and his mother's soothing ones, had receded, Loki clenched the sheets in his fists and cried quietly into his pillow. Eventually, his tears dried and he stared blankly at the wall. "Thor," he whispered, because that was really all there was to say.

* * *

On a rare evening when Thor felt like he could be out of the house, he met Jane at her house and they took a walk. The weeds growing on the side of the road were dead and dry, and the strip of dirt between the weeds and the road turned to dust under their feet. Jane was looking at the stars as they walked.

"I know this sounds bad," she said, "but I hope we get to see a tornado while we're at school. Not the little dinky ones we get down here, but a serious one."

"It doesn't sound too bad," Thor told her. He took her hand and threaded their fingers together. "But if I didn't know better, I'd think you _wanted _to be on one of those crazy storm chaser shows."

She laughed. "I _do, _Thor. Maybe not the show bit, but can you imagine seeing one up close? Following its path? Maybe developing better early warning systems?"

"Not dying?"

"Hey!" she cried, but she was smiling. "I would be safe. Oh, speaking of, can I come over to dinner at some point? I want to thank Frigga for that scarf she got me. That was so nice of her."

He smiled at her. "Sure! Um."

She looked at him. "What?" He chewed on his lip. "Loki? Really? He's still not feeling well?"

"No, he's fine." Thor hesitated. "I just think . . ."

Jane stopped walking and took Thor's other hand in her own. "Thor. What is it?" When he said nothing, she squeezed both his hands. "You never really tell me how he's doing. Are you ever going to tell me how he fell out of that window?" she asked softly.

Thor shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it," he said in a low voice.

She made a quiet noise. "Is that why you've been spending so much time with him? Do you think it was your fault?"

"No!" Thor frowned. "I'm not taking care of him out of guilt."

"Then why don't you want me to come over for dinner? I know he's never like me, but I could bring Darcy. You know they both have that sarcastic streak–"

"I feel like this is the last summer I'm going to get with him." He smiled sadly. "He's my little brother. You can understand that, can't you?"

Jane's expression cleared and she smiled in response. "Yes. Though I think if I spent that much time with Darcy, we'd kill each other."

Thor laughed and kissed her on the forehead. "Oh, don't worry. I'm expecting an assassination attempt before the month is out."

Jane let go of his hands with a roll of her eyes. "You're right. We should probably keep him and Darcy separated. Who knows what they'd come up with."

Thor chuckled and put his arm around her waist. They started walking again into the deepening dusk.

* * *

One night after a particularly humid and boring day at home, Thor made a bowl of popcorn and proclaimed a movie night. By the time the popcorn had been reduced to only a few stubborn kernels and their parents had gone up to bed, Thor and Loki were on their second movie of the evening: _Die Hard. _Loki was leaning against one arm of the couch with his feet propped up on Thor's lap, and Thor had rested one hand on the cast that covered Loki's calf and ankle. Loki was watching the movie with interest, but Thor's gaze kept drifting back to Loki. Thor unconsciously ran his hand across Loki's ankle, even though Loki wouldn't be able to feel it through the bandages and the plaster.

There was the sound of breaking glass, and Thor looked up at the screen to see John McClane wincing in pain. There was a lot of blood, and Thor squeezed Loki's ankle tightly. When he looked back at Loki, Loki was watching impassively as McClane began to limp away with glass buried in his foot.

"Doesn't that bother you?" Thor asked.

"Why would it?" said Loki without looking away from the screen. "I fell from a second-story window. I imagine that walking on glass feels a whole lot nicer."

"Loki . . ."

Loki looked at him. "It happened, I'm over it. Stop freaking out about it, Thor." He turned his leg sideways to knock Thor in the chest with his foot. Thor curled his fingers over Loki's cold toes and absently rubbed them.

"I just wish you wouldn't act like it was nothing," Thor said quietly.

Loki shrugged and turned back to the movie. "Well, both of us can't be drama queens."

Thor chuckled. He moved his hand back to the safety of Loki's unfeeling ankle. "I guess I need to stop complaining about the heat all the time, then."

Loki tried to smack him on the shoulder, but Thor ducked out of the way easily with a hearty laugh. He didn't feel _that _sorry for his brother.

They watched the rest of the movie in contented silence. When it was finally over, Thor picked up the remote from where he had it balanced on Loki's knee and turned off the TV. He opened his mouth to ask Loki what he had thought, but then he saw that Loki's eyelids were drooping. Thor smiled. "Want me to carry you up to bed?"

Loki was too tired to do more than nod. Thor gently lifted Loki's feet off his lap, stood, and scooped him up in his arms. Loki's head lolled against his shoulder and his breath tickled Thor's throat. Loki felt like he weighed half a ton, but it was worth it to feel him so relaxed in his arms, like Thor was the only one in the world who could protect him.

"Ma and pa won't carry you, you know," Thor told him as he began his slow ascent of the stairs.

"I know," Loki murmured. "But I'll be able to walk by the time you leave for school." He yawned widely, and Thor tried to repress an answering yawn unsuccessfully. "Don't make me sleep on the couch."

"I won't." When Loki had first gotten home from the hospital, their parents had offered to move his mattress downstairs while he was recovering, but Loki had vetoed the offer immediately. Despite the trauma he likely associated with his room, he clung to the familiar space, and Thor would certainly not deny him that.

Thor reached the top of the stairs. "Open the door?" he murmured into Loki's hair. Thor quickly moved his head away; he had most certainly not just pressed a kiss to the top of Loki's head.

If Loki was thinking the same, he didn't give any sign of it. He reached out a hand and grabbed the doorknob to his room, but it took him two tries to open it. When he had finally opened the door, Loki let his head fall back on Thor's shoulder with a quiet sigh. "It's just the painkillers that are making me so tired," he told Thor.

"I'm sure," said Thor amusedly as he walked into the room sideways, opening the door the rest of the way with his shoulder as he did so.

"Mmm," said Loki, and that was how Thor knew that Loki was legitimately exhausted. Thor set Loki down on one side of the bed before pulling the covers back on the other side. When he went back to pick up Loki again, Loki had turned his face sideways to bury it in the pillow, and he did not look like he wanted to move. Thor smiled and picked him up anyway. He tucked him in without getting his pajamas out for him, because Loki did not look awake enough to handle changing his clothes.

When the blankets had been arranged around Loki the way Loki liked them, Thor paused and looked down at Loki. Loki had closed his eyes and he already looked asleep. Without thinking about it, Thor leaned over and kissed him gently on the forehead. "Goodnight, brother."

"M'night, Thor," Loki mumbled without opening his eyes. Thor smiled, turned off the light, and left the room, closing the door behind him as he did so.

* * *

The storm that had been rolling in all afternoon broke around three in the morning. Thor was woken by a loud boom of thunder. He frowned slightly and rolled over with the intention of falling back asleep. A bright flash of light burned through his eyelids, and another rolling boom followed almost immediately after.

Loki.

Thor sat up and threw off the covers. The floor was cold on his bare feet as he walked to his door and slipped out of his room. There were no lights on and the house was absolutely silent as though everyone was sound asleep, but he knew better.

Thor pushed open the door to Loki's room gently. Loki was lying rigidly on his back. Thor paused at the door, waiting to see if Loki had somehow managed to sleep through it. When there was another flash of lightning, Thor saw that Loki was looking at him. Thor wordlessly pulled back the covers and crawled into bed beside him.

"I hate having to sleep on my back," Loki whispered. There was another flash of light, and Thor's chest ached at the expression on Loki's face.

"I know," Thor murmured back. He rested on his side facing Loki, but he kept a safe distance away so they wouldn't accidentally touch. He wanted to reach out to Loki and brush his hair out of his face, let him know that Thor was there, but he didn't dare. Loki rejected Thor's touch more and more often now, and Thor didn't want to push him to the point where he would kick Thor out of his room entirely. Loki was proud, but Thor could tell from how tense he was that he was terrified. Thor wanted to tell him, _You could have called for me, _but he didn't want to hear Loki say that he didn't need Thor. He hated it when Loki lied to him.

Thor was just drifting off to sleep when there was another bright flash of light. A cold hand found his and held on to it. Thor remembered a time when that hand had been small, but it had still held onto his so tightly. Thor squeezed it gently and soon fell asleep.

* * *

Thor was woken the next morning by someone poking him repeatedly in the shoulder. "What?" he grunted. He opened his eyes to find Loki looking at him haughtily.

"I need to pee."

Thor closed his eyes and buried his face in his corner of Loki's pillow. "Nn' minute."

"No, now." Loki pushed him this time, hard.

Thor lifted his face out of the pillow. "Are you going to be like this when you're old?" he groaned.

"Are you planning on being there when I am? Help me get to the bathroom." Thor's head plopped back onto the pillow. "Thor." No response. "_Thor." _

"Ow!" Thor jolted upright. He snatched Loki's hand and yanked it away from his stomach. "How are your hands so _cold?" _

Loki grinned maliciously. "Are you awake?"

Thor mumbled something unintelligible and got out of bed. He walked around to Loki's side and threw back Loki's covers. Loki dutifully put his arms around Thor's neck. Thor put an arm on his back and another under his legs and lifted him into his wheelchair. "You do this yourself all the time," Thor huffed into Loki's shoulder before he let go. "Demanding little brother."

"Lazy asshole of a brother," Loki retorted. "Besides, I smell pancakes. Get downstairs fast and they might still be hot."

Loki was right. Thor rubbed his eyes and sighed. "Fine, you win."

"Ha," Loki said over his shoulder as he wheeled himself towards the door. "Don't forget to come back to help me down the stairs." Thor grinned at Loki's back. Loki really was a little shit most of the time, but at least it made it easy to tell when he was in a good mood.

Loki was in a good mood. Huh. Thor smiled and took the stairs two at a time. "Ma?" he called. "Do I smell pancakes?"

* * *

_I'll always be here, _Thor had said.

_You had better be, _Loki had replied with a smile.

Loki was still in a wheelchair when Thor left for college. He watched solemnly from the front porch as Thor waved, got into the car with Jane, and drove away.


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's note: _Oh dear. I had intended the last chapter to be a nice little transition chapter, but I take it that it was a little sadder than I had intended. (I got everything from "this was sad" to "saddest Thorki fic I've ever read." Oops.) Things should be more upbeat from here on out!

Sorry for the wait, too. School has been killing me this semester. And thank you to all my guest reviewers, since I can't thank you personally!

* * *

_Chapter 5_

High school had never been Loki's favorite part of his school career. When he looked back on his senior year, it existed almost entirely in his memory as a void. Learning how to walk again was frustrating and excruciating all on its own, but he gritted his teeth and took each slow step through the school halls.

Thor's life had never fit well into numbers; he impressed people with who he was outside of school—his personality, his conviction of what was right, his extracurricular activities. The year before, Loki had looked at the pieces of paper proclaiming his nearly 4.0 GPA and his 2300 SAT score with the same blank look he gave to all his grades. Now he wanted to rip them to shreds.

Ridiculously, the day Thor came home for Winter Break, Loki was still in school. He had known when Thor's flight was, and he had known that he wouldn't be able to meet Thor at the airport, but somehow, it seemed like any other Thursday. When Loki walked in the door, Thor was sitting at the dining room table with his back to the door. Loki stopped, halfway through slipping his bag off his shoulder, and stared. At the slam of the door, Thor looked over his shoulder, his mouth full of food. He grinned. "Hey, brother," he said around the mouthful. "How're ya doing?" When Loki simply stared, Thor looked a little alarmed. He swallowed his food and turned all the way around in the chair. "When did you slick back your hair?" he blurted.

Loki smiled and set down his school bag. "It's good to see you." Before he knew it, Thor had stood up and enveloped him in a hug. Thor smelled like aftershave and sweat, but Loki took a deep breath and relished in the feeling of holding Thor close. Loki's chin almost didn't fit neatly over Thor's shoulder now. Thor had grown.

* * *

A month was a surprisingly long time, and by the time Thor only had a week left before he went back to school, he was driving even Loki crazy.

"Thor," Loki yelled from the dining room, where he was trying to write an essay for a college application that was due in two days (though he had classified it as "homework" when Thor had asked). "Will you turn it off?"

"You sound like ma," Thor called back from the living room. He turned down the volume on the TV by what sounded like one notch. "Better?"

"No!"

"Go study in your room or something."

"Stop yelling," Odin bellowed from his study. Loki and Thor were obligingly quiet for a few minutes. Thor turned the TV back up to its previous volume.

"_Thor." _

"Both of you, go to your rooms," Odin said, and Thor guiltily turned off the TV. Loki snapped his laptop shut and made for the stairs. Thor beat him there, and he caught Loki's eye. _Sorry, _said Thor's expression. Loki looked away and followed Thor up the stairs.

At the top, Loki immediately turned towards his room, but Thor hesitated. "Do you mind if I come in?"

"As long as you're quiet." Loki went into his room without looking back, but he heard Thor's surprisingly soft footfalls follow him inside. Loki settled himself at his desk and Thor stood awkwardly near one wall, looking at the posters Loki had hung up. They were mostly of bands Thor had never heard of, but mixed in were some photographs of landscapes—a frozen waterfall, a stream in a sparse forest dusted with pale green, a grassland framed by mountains against a bare grey sky.

"What are these?"

"Hm?" Loki glanced up and then looked back at his computer. "Photographs. Ma had some old calendars she was getting rid of."

Thor was quiet for a moment as he eyed them curiously. There was a little photograph of a snake about to strike hidden between a couple of posters, and he plucked it off the wall and looked at it. "But why did you pick these ones? Do you like stuff like this?" When he looked up, Loki was looking at him with an unreadable expression.

"The world isn't confined to Alabama, you know."

"Well, yeah," said Thor uncomfortably, "but these places are all so . . . cold. Don't you at least want to travel somewhere warm?"

Loki looked back to his essay, but he didn't type anything. "I'm not necessarily going to travel to any of them. It's just nice knowing that they're there."

Thor frowned, but he didn't press Loki further. He carefully pinned the picture of the snake back into place. He opened the door and left Loki alone with his essay.

* * *

Thor loved Alabama. He didn't love it the way most people did, who loved it just because they lived there; Thor loved it because he lived and breathed it. He had never expressed this to Loki or to anyone else, but Loki had always known it anyway. Something in him glowed when he was outside, barefoot, playing a game with his friends that was like football but that had no rules. Even when the humidity got so bad they could do nothing but sit on the porch, praying for a breeze that didn't stick to them and soak them with sweat, Thor would smile out at the horizon.

Sometimes Loki would watch him, and he would wonder if it was in Thor's blood. Loki didn't love Alabama; he loved the home he had there. As he grew older, he felt something drawing him away to someplace new.

* * *

Loki went to the airport to see Thor off. Jane met them there, and after Thor had given Loki a pat on the back and everyone had said goodbye, Thor and Jane went off to go through security together. It was the first time Loki had seen Jane the entire break. When Loki got home, he finished his last college application and sent it off.

Loki had applied exclusively to schools on the East Coast. He got into all of them.

* * *

One afternoon a few months later, when Thor made his weekly phone call home, Frigga poked her head out of the kitchen. "Do you want to talk to your brother?" Frigga called into the living room, where Loki was curled up on the couch with Tolstoy's _War and Peace._

Loki rolled his eyes. "No, ma."

Frigga returned to the phone to confer with her eldest son. "Yes, I agree," she said into the receiver. "He's probably just being sarcastic."

Before Loki could open his mouth to protest, the phone was thrust into his hands. He looked at it with displeasure. "Talk to him," Frigga whispered. "You two haven't exchanged a word for months." This wasn't strictly true; Thor had been sending Loki email updates about all the exciting things he was doing at school and Loki had replied to a few of them. She disappeared before Loki could demand she take the phone back, so with a sigh of exasperation, he raised it to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey! How are you doing? Have you heard back from any colleges yet? What have you been reading? Wait," Thor said when Loki opened his mouth to protest, "let me guess. You're sitting on the couch reading a book right now."

Loki tucked a finger into the book to mark his place and closed it. "Don't be an idiot. I can't read and talk to you at the same time."

"So, tell me! I keep asking ma about where you're going to school, and she won't say anything."

Loki glanced at the table where his mother had insisted he put all the envelopes containing his acceptance letters so that she could read them all. "I haven't heard back from everywhere yet."

"But you've heard back from some of them, right?"

"Oh, just my last choices," he lied. "Did you win your game last weekend?"

Thor didn't seem to notice that Loki had changed the subject intentionally. Thor babbled about football and school for a while, and then Loki gave the phone to Odin for Thor's weekly gruff, "Hey son. How are you?" When the phone had been removed from his grasp, Loki tucked his legs under him and pulled over the acceptance letter from Yale. One of the pictures in the pamphlet was of a beautiful snowy day. Loki had told his parents he wanted to hear back from everywhere before he decided, but he didn't need to.

The couch dipped as Frigga sat down next to Loki. "You don't want to tell your brother about where you're thinking of going?" she asked him quietly.

"He'll find out over the summer," Loki replied without looking up.

"He didn't tell you when he got accepted to Oklahoma State, did he?" Loki shook his head. "But don't you think you at least owe him the courtesy of not doing the same thing?"

"No," said Loki. "This is my decision."

He accepted his place at Yale the next afternoon.

* * *

When Thor came home for the summer, Loki and their parents met him at the airport. "Why didn't you tell me you'd been accepted to Yale?" Thor exclaimed. "Pa told me yesterday!"

Loki was hurt at that, but forced a smile. "I wanted it to be a surprise."

Thor laughed. "It was! It's going to be crazy, you on the East Coast. What is the world coming to, huh?"

Loki smiled and looked over Thor's shoulder. "Where's Jane?" Thor was unusually quiet, and Loki looked back at him searchingly. Thor wouldn't meet his eyes.

"It didn't work out."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Frigga said, and she hugged Thor comfortingly. Loki looked at the ground and wasn't sure why he felt quite so awful. He had never hated Jane, but he had never liked her, and some part of him had expected that she and Thor would never break up. He would not miss her—but Thor clearly did. After a few minutes, Thor cheered up, and Loki did too. Loki pushed the matter to the back of his mind. For some reason, he didn't want to think too hard about why.

* * *

Thor had a job at the local pizza place and Loki got a job at the library, so Loki expected that they would barely see each other. In fact, they saw each other often; Thor spent a lot of time at home, and Loki had not managed to magically make any friends while he had been away. It felt normal, to come home to Thor sitting on the couch, or to be there when Thor walked in the door smelling like basil and tomatoes.

Frigga, they both knew, was beside herself with happiness to have both of them home. Sometimes Thor and Loki would give each other knowing looks; neither of them was sure how she was going to handle having both of her boys gone, but she wasn't doing a very good job of preparing for it. She had taken to cooking twice as much for each meal as they needed, although Thor tried valiantly to eat as much of it as possible. Odin, on the other hand, had taken the approach that Thor and Loki should be useful and help out around the house as much as they could before they left.

Loki was woken up one morning by a loud banging over his head. He buried his face under his pillow and groaned, but it didn't stop. Finally, he sat bolt upright and glared at the ceiling. He tossed off his covers, stalked over to the window, yanked open the shutters (wincing at the bright sunlight in the process), and stuck his head out. "What the hell are you doing?"

The banging stopped. "Baby brother?" said Thor's voice.

Loki scowled. The day that nickname died forever would be a day he would rejoice. "No. It's Loki."

Thor's smiling face appeared over the edge of the roof. "Rise and shine."

"_You _are welcome to be awake if you like, but _I _am going back to bed."

"You can try," Thor said with a chuckle. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and Loki abruptly realized that Thor had his hair pulled back in a ponytail and was wearing a tank top that was soaked with sweat. Thor had not stopped growing, and he had not stopped working out.

Loki swallowed and determinedly pushed his thoughts aside. "I suppose it's entirely necessary to be doing this now?" he demanded.

"The day is young," Thor said, and Loki was 90% sure that college had made Thor _worse. _

"Exactly. You can do this later."

"Do you want me to die of heatstroke?" Thor was laughing at him now. Loki scowled and slammed the window shut. "You're already awake!" Thor called through the glass, though Loki tried to ignore him. "You could join me!"

Loki looked at his bed, which suddenly seemed unappealing with the knowledge that a hot and sweaty Thor was working just above it. "Not a chance," Loki shouted back as he yanked open a drawer and pulled out some clothes. Thor's muffled laugher followed him out of the room, and Loki could swear that Thor moved his roof-repair operation to the part of the roof over the shower just to annoy him.

* * *

When Loki got downstairs, he found his mother making French toast. Odin was sitting at the table reading a newspaper with the remains of his breakfast in front of him. He didn't even look up when Loki walked into the room. Frigga, though, looked over her shoulder and smiled at Loki. "Would you take these out to your brother?" she asked, nudging a plate piled high with finished French toast next to her on the counter. Loki just looked at her, but she raised her eyebrow, and with a roll of his eyes, he gave in. He grabbed it off the counter and headed for the back door.

From the distant banging, it sounded like Thor had moved to the other side of the house, so Loki circled around the house cautiously. He turned a corner and found himself suddenly faced with a ladder, but no Thor in sight. Without a second thought, he shifted the plate to one hand and climbed up the ladder. He got to a few rungs from the top and peered out at the roof. Thor was hammering away several yards away, and his back was to Loki. Loki smiled, climbed the rest of the way up, and settled down on the roof to wait.

It took Thor a few minutes to finish putting the shingle into place before he sat back on his heels, wiped the sweat off his forehead, and looked around. He saw Loki siting calmly a feet away and did a double-take. "Hey," he said, and then he caught sight of the plate of French toast sitting innocently next to Loki.

"Ah-ah," said Loki, holding the plate to one side as Thor lunged for it. "What do you say?"

Thor paused and eyed him. "Please?" Loki smiled and didn't move an inch. Thor turned his gaze to the sky in what was almost an eye-roll. "You're not still upset that I woke you up, are you?"

"What do you think?"

Thor took another step towards Loki and knelt down in front of him. He looked earnestly into Loki's eyes. "I'm sorry."

Loki's smile curled into a smirk. "Not good enough," he said. "Now give us a kiss."

Thor snorted in disbelief, and Loki began to laugh, but then Thor leaned forward and planted a kiss to Loki's forehead. His stubble scratched Loki's skin, and his lips were warm and soft. Loki stopped laughing, and for a moment, he forgot to breathe. Then Thor pulled away, grinning, and he had the plate of French toast in his hand. "Ha," he said, and stood up so the food was out of Loki's reach. He grabbed a slice and took a bite out of it with an appreciative moan.

"Hey," Loki complained with a frown. Thor grinned around the food and tossed him a slice. Loki caught it and made a face; it was covered in maple syrup.

"Thanks," said Thor. He turned his back on Loki and returned to work, humming happily around the toast in his mouth.

With Thor's back turned to him, Loki let his frustrated expression fall. His face burned, and the bright sunlight just made it feel worse. Still holding the toast, he made his way back down the ladder and inside.

"Did he like it?" Frigga asked.

"Yeah," said Loki, and he took his breakfast up to his room.

* * *

During his free time, Loki packed up nearly everything he owned. Frigga tried to get Thor to help Loki figure out what to take to school, but Thor just looked at Loki and said, "Clothes. Maybe some pencils," and when Frigga raised her eyes heavenwards in exasperation, Thor and Loki grinned at each other.

"You'll do fine," Thor told him. "You'll like college. You'll like it a lot."

What Loki didn't plan to take to school, he put in the attic. This was going to be a new beginning.


	6. Chapter 6

_Chapter 6_

The night before Loki left for college was hot and humid. It was getting late, but no one was asleep; cracks of light shone under the doors leading to Thor's room and their parents' room, and Loki sat cross-legged on his own bed. He was not packing, and he was not looking around his room for things he might have missed; he was looking out the window.

Loki and Thor had lived in this house all their lives, and they knew all the floorboards that creaked and every hum of the water heater. Despite his efforts, Loki had never quite managed to teach Thor how to tread silently across the hallway, so it was a surprise to him when the floorboard outside his door suddenly let out a shriek. He whipped his head around and saw Thor standing there guiltily. "I was just wondering if you had gone to bed yet," Thor said, and Loki realized that he had forgotten to turn on the light in his room. It had gotten very dark, and Loki could only just see Thor's expression.

"Not yet."

Thor put his hands in his pockets and leaned against the doorframe. "We're all going to miss you." Loki looked away, back out the window. "_I'm _going to miss you."

"You don't need to tell me this." Something hard had settled in Loki's throat. He heard Thor sigh and shift his weight.

"Look, this is going to sound silly, but I want you to write to me, okay? Not emails, because you never respond."

"I do," Loki protested.

Thor let out a huff of laughter. "You take way too long to reply, then. Here's my address at school." Thor stepped forward and pressed something to Loki's knee. Loki looked down and saw it was a sticky note with something scribbled on it. "You write me, okay? I'm not going to start this thing if you don't give a shit." He reached out a hand and ruffled Loki's hair. "Sleep well, baby brother."

Loki listened to his footsteps recede and picked up the little square of paper. He couldn't read it in the dark. _You can't just give me something in your chicken scratch, Thor, _he wanted to call after him, _because I'm not convinced I could read this in broad daylight._ But his throat had closed up entirely.

He went to his desk and lay the sticky note next to the other things he needed to not forget the next day: his pre-printed boarding pass, his wallet, his toothpaste to remind him to pack his toothbrush (as if he would forget it). He had packed everything three days in advance and had been living out of one of suitcases since then. Loki was more than prepared to leave. But there was a part of him that dreaded the next day so much he could barely stand it, and he when he went to bed, he lay awake staring at the ceiling for far too long.

* * *

Loki was woken the next morning by the shrieking of his alarm. His flight was early in the morning, but the whole house was already awake. He hurriedly showered and dressed, and when he came downstairs, he found that his breakfast was already on the table. Thor patted him on the shoulder and then disappeared upstairs. Odin seemed to think they needed to get the airport two hours early (an overestimate in Loki's opinion if he had ever heard one), so Loki wolfed down his food while his mother ran him through a checklist of the things he needed. Loki was almost done with breakfast when Thor reappeared, one of Loki's bags slung over his shoulder and the other one in his hand.

"Are these ready to go in the car?" Thor asked, and Loki could only nod before his plate was whisked away from him. Odin went to help Thor put Loki's belongings into the car as efficiently as possible, and Frigga and Loki were left alone. Loki simply sat at the table for a minute and looked around the kitchen, looking at the little things, like the toaster. He stood and turned to follow Thor, but Frigga put a gentle hand on his shoulder and stopped him. He looked quizzically at her. There was something small in her hand.

"I thought you might like to take this with you."

It was a picture frame, and Loki took it automatically. His own face and Thor's smiled back at him. A few freckles on Thor's nose stood out prominently, and he had his arm thrown around Loki's neck."Do you remember when you burned yourself making pumpkin pie? I got you two to pose for me after you had eaten half of that pie." She chuckled softly. "It had so much cinnamon in it. Was that you?"

"It was Thor," Loki replied absently.

Frigga pulled Loki into a hug. "I love you," she said into his shoulder. He was taller than she was, though he hadn't quite realized by how much.

"Love you too, ma," he said, and he gave her a one-armed hug in return.

"We're going to be late!" bellowed Odin from the car.

Frigga and Loki pulled apart. Frigga was smiling. Without thinking about it, Loki tucked the photograph into his backpack. "Remember," she told him, "you can always come home."

* * *

When Loki arrived at Yale, he took in a deep breath of fresh air and smiled. It was sunny and cool and the lawns were neatly trimmed. He checked into his dorm and unpacked a little, and he found the photograph of him and Thor when they were younger. He hesitated, and then put it face down in the top drawer of his desk. His roommate was a sophomore, so he would not arrive on campus until after the first week of new student orientation and Loki had the room all to himself, but Loki suddenly felt very protective of Thor. No one here know who Thor was, and he wanted it to stay that way. His fingertips brushed the back of the frame briefly, and then he closed the drawer. He left his room and wandered around campus.

It didn't take long for him to find a library. He decided he liked it there.

The activities for new students bored him and reminded him that he knew no one, so he often escaped to the library and buried himself under books until he lost track of time. The week passed slowly, but it ended with the commencement ceremony, and that left him with a certain light in his eyes. The memory of his class sitting outside on the field in rows and rows of chairs, the smell of freshly cut grass around them, and their voices rising as they sang the alma mater for the first time settled deep into his heart alongside the memories of his childhood.

The day before classes started, Loki walked into his room and found someone making the previously empty bed with dark blue sheets. The man looked up and met Loki's gaze with shockingly golden hazel eyes. "Hello," he said, and his voice was comforting and deep.

Loki blinked before he remembered himself. "You must be Heimdall. I'm Loki."

"Yes." Heimdall returned to the task of making his bed, but it didn't feel like he was ignoring him.

Loki crossed the room to his desk and draped his coat over the back of his chair. He sat down at his desk and turned on his laptop with the intention of checking how things were in the various forums he frequented. While his laptop hummed to life, he half turned around in his chair to watch Heimdall. He bit his lip; he wasn't used to people who didn't fill the silence with their words. "Did you have a long trip?" he finally asked.

"Yes. I came from Louisiana."

"New Orleans?" Loki hazarded. He had already known Heimdall's home state from the two lines of information they had been given about each other, but there hadn't been any more details.

Loki was fairly certain he saw Heimdall's lips curl into a brief smile as he smoothed out the top sheet and started putting the comforter in its cover. "No. You haven't heard of it."

Loki got a good look at Heimdall's comforter and saw that it was scattered with stars that filled out the form of the Milky Way. Loki looked at Heimdall's side of the room more closely and realized that the poster on the wall that he had thought was some kind of chart was a star map. "Are you an astronomy major?" Loki asked, momentarily forgetting his shyness.

"Minor," he said. He seemed to have finally deemed his bed satisfactory, for he stepped away from it and opened the suitcase on the floor. "Philosophy major." He glanced at Loki as he began to unpack his clothes. "Have you decided on a major yet?"

Loki turned around the rest of the way and rested an arm on the back of his chair. "No, not yet. I'm considering taking a philosophy class, though. Are the professors good?"

"Most of them," Heimdall said. "I recommend Professor Huginn for the upper-level classes. Professor Muninn gives a better introduction."

"Ah. I'll keep that in mind."

Heimdall nodded and pulled out a desk lamp. While he rearranged his side of the room to get at the plug behind his desk, Loki turned back to his laptop. He opened up his email and rolled his eyes—Frigga wanted to know how his first week was going. He typed _Good _and sent his reply. He briefly thought of sending Thor an email, but remembered that Thor hadn't seemed thrilled with Loki's previous emails, so he didn't.

Though Heimdall and Loki did not ever learn very much about each other, that first, short conversation solidified an understanding between them; neither of them had much to say, and that was perfectly fine with both of them.

* * *

Loki had decided to take beginning Greek for the hell of it, even though the only period that fit into his schedule was at 8am; he could always drop it if he wanted to. But he liked it, so he stuck with it. That was how he met Sif.

On the third day of class, a girl sat down next to him. She had a lot of purses and scarves to manage, so when he looked up, she was bending over and he got an eyeful of . . . well. She was wearing a miniskirt over tights, and her brown hair was done up in a no-nonsense ponytail. Loki didn't know what to make of her. He stared.

She noticed and returned his gaze curiously. "I just transferred into this class from the other period," she said. "I didn't have time to figure out who's teaching it. Is it Professor . . . Freya?"

"Yes," he said, and he realized with a sense of profound surprise that she was actually trying to be nice to him. "You had Freyr, then?"

She smiled grimly. "Yup. What an arrogant asshole. I'm glad to be out of that class."

"Really? I heard he's good."

"You'd think it would be difficult to come across as sexist on the first day in a language class, but he managed it."

"Ah." Loki eyed her warily. Was she just talking to him out of politeness?

"Γεια σας," said their teacher in greeting, and Loki decided to not worry about it for now. It was likely that she would find someone else to sit with.

She didn't. Soon, Loki realized he had made a friend.

* * *

Thor sat in his room, chewing on a fingernail as he stared at his cellphone on his desk. He knew how their mother was—she had probably called Loki twice in the past few days, just because—but Loki had been at school for twice as long as Thor and still hadn't contacted him. Loki wouldn't like to be bothered, but . . .

"Is something the matter?"

Thor turned around in his chair and looked at Steve, his roommate. Steve was looking at him with genuine concern. He and Thor had met through a mutual friend the year before, and the first thing that struck anyone who met Steve was how earnest he was. He just seemed like the sort of person you asked for advice. Still, Thor hesitated. Steve knew Loki only as Thor's faceless brother he mentioned from time to time, and Thor had never been very good at making people see Loki like he did. "Do you think Loki would mind if I called him?"

Steve frowned slightly. "I don't know. How long has he been at school?"

"Two weeks. A week of real classes, I guess."

Steve raised his eyebrows slightly. "He hasn't talked to you at all? Yeah, I'd call him."

Thor let out a breath. "Okay." He turned back to his desk. "Okay." He picked up his cellphone and hit Loki's name before he could think about it. The phone rang a few times and then Loki picked up.

"What's up?" said Loki, and Thor could have sworn that he yawned on purpose.

"Nothing much. How's school going?" Thor asked. His voice came out gruff and he coughed into his fist. He winced; how had he managed to sound like their father just then?

"Fine."

Thor picked up a pen and clicked it experimentally. "Yeah? Have you visited the library yet?"

Loki laughed. "I basically _live _in the library. Why did you call?"

Loki had forgotten. Thor had asked him to write, and he had forgotten. Thor coughed into his fist again. "Ma said you'd, uh, call and you never did. I was wondering what your roommate's like."

"Oh," said Loki, sounding faintly surprised. "He's cool. He's quiet. He put up a bunch of star charts on his wall. He's a sophomore, so he knows a lot about the school. I like him," Loki added as an afterthought.

"Good," Thor said lamely. Calling had been a bad idea. He should have texted Loki. He closed his eyes and pressed a hand to his forehead. "So you're not homesick?"

"No. I've been too busy."

"Okay. I should get going, so I'll talk to you later." Steve gave Thor a strange look, but Thor ignored him.

"Right. Goodbye," said Loki, and he hung up.

There had been something strangely hesitant in Thor's voice, but Loki didn't know what to make of it. He stared at his cellphone for a moment. Had Thor really expected that Loki would write to him? But surely not. Loki absently pushed his cellphone to a far corner of his desk and turned back to his homework.

* * *

As Loki's first impression of him had indicated, Heimdall was quiet and kept to himself. Sometimes Loki would come back to the room frowning fiercely to slam his books down on his desk, but Heimdall never asked what was wrong; he would would just look at him and return to whatever he was doing. It was a welcome relief from the constant nagging that his family had always given him. When he got in such a mood, Loki would usually sit down at his desk and put on his headphones with his music turned up loud. When Frigga called him, though, Heimdall didn't seem to mind the noise, so Loki inadvertently let Heimdall listen in on parts of his life.

One day when Frigga called, she told him that Thor's football team had just won a big game. Loki scoffed. "It can't have been _that _important, ma. He would have been bragging to me if it was."

"Are you sure?" Frigga asked gently. "When was the last time you spoke to him?"

"He just called me last—" He glanced at the calendar hanging above his desk. "A few weeks ago," he ended lamely. He could feel his cheeks burning. It hadn't been a very long conversation, but of course Thor would have called him again if something important had happened. Wouldn't he?

"Alright, sweetheart. I should let you go. Make sure you're getting enough sleep and eating well."

"I will, ma. Don't worry."

"Love you."

"Bye." Loki hung up and chewed on his lip. After a moment, he pulled his laptop towards him and looked up the Oklahoma State football schedule. They had won three games in a row. The last one had been two days before. Loki stared blankly at the wall for a moment. He didn't notice Heimdall eying him over his shoulder.

_Thor Borrsson, _he typed into the search bar. The first result, of course, was his Facebook page, which Loki determinedly scrolled past; he didn't go on Facebook anymore on principle. The second and third were his name on the football roster. The fourth was an article about him winning a trophy in high school that had, for some reason, been published in the local newspaper.

The fifth was his name on the schedule for Oklahoma State student radio.

Loki blinked. Perhaps it was another Thor. All the website could tell him was that he co-hosted with a Natasha Romanoff, whom Loki had certainly never heard of. Their time slot was 2-4pm on Thursdays. Loki glanced at the clock; accounting for the one-hour time difference, Thor—if it really was him—would be on in another five minutes. There was only one way to find out. Without a second thought, he clicked on _Listen to KXYZ Live. _

The station that came before them was soft rock, so Loki turned the volume down a little and opened up an essay he was supposed to be working on. Heimdall glanced briefly over his shoulder and then returned to his own homework. They worked in companionable silence for a few minutes while the song finished. The hosts came on, thanked their listeners, and the air went silent.

Someone cleared their throat on the radio. A shiver started at the base of Loki's skull and ran all the way down his spine. "Aaaand it's 2 pm on the dot," said Thor's voice, and Loki forgot how to breathe. "Sounds like a great time for some music."

"That's what we think, anyway," said a female voice, and Loki was abruptly snapped back to reality. She and Thor laughed uproariously as if that was the cleverest thing anyone had ever said.

They sounded like they got along _well_.

"Ah-ha, anyway, we've got some great tunes for you tonight," said Thor. "I'm sure you'd rather listen to the music than me, so here's our first set."

"Enjoy," said the woman, and the first song started.

To Loki's surprise, the station was not rock, or pop, or anything that Loki would have ever expected; it was jazz. Loki listened in fascination. He had never known that Thor liked music like this. The song ended, and then another, and Loki found that he was only paying half of his attention to the words he was typing. The last chord of a song rang out, and Natasha listed off the names and artists of the songs.

"My baby brother just started college," said Thor, "and I hope he's having an okay time, so this next one's for him. I hope you don't mind if it's a little different from what we usually play." Loki's fingers stilled on the keyboard. "Hey, don't get too homesick and don't fail finals. If you do, ma will kill me." There was some muffled chuckling, and Thor said, "Without further ado, a track we all know and love."

It was "Sweet Home Alabama." Loki stared at the wall in front of him. _Dammit, Thor. _They had both heard it only a million times, and Loki hated it because it got on his nerves—but it was familiar, and it was Thor, and Loki's eyes stung. Heimdall had gone quiet in his side of the room.

_Sweet home Alabama; Lord, I'm coming home to you._

The song ended and another one started immediately after. Loki looked back at his computer and stared blankly at his essay. Why today? How had Thor known that he would listen to his station _today? _

"Who was that?" asked Heimdall, but Heimdall's voice said, _Even I can tell he misses you. _

Loki looked at him. For a split-second, he considered lying, but Heimdall had never asked him for any personal details before. "His name is Thor," Loki said suddenly, and his lips parted to say, _my brother, _but he paused. None of these people _knew. _None of them thought of Loki as Thor's younger brother. They thought of him as just Loki, and he could tell them exactly who Thor was without telling the truth. Loki closed his lips and took a breath.

"He's a friend from home," said Loki, and when Heimdall asked if Loki missed him, Loki said yes.

* * *

_October 29_

_Dear Thor, _

_School has been good and I've met some very interesting people here. Greek is my favorite subject. I'm considering becoming a Classics major, just so that you can never tease me for reading ancient books again. Then again, there was a minor explosion in my Chemistry lab a few days ago. How is that Business major looking now? _

_Oh, and I was wrong about the library being wonderful. We have over 24 of them. _

_Love,  
Loki_

_P.S. I said I would write to you. I didn't say when._


	7. Chapter 7

_Author's note: _I tried to make the football playoff conceivable, but the details may not be entirely accurate. If it doesn't bother you, excellent. If it does . . . remember that this _is_ an AU, so maybe things work slightly different in this universe than our own?

* * *

_Chapter 7_

Thor had been on a football team for enough years of his life to know how it felt just before a game: the high the day of, the acceptance just before the game began, the thrum of adrenaline as it started. But as Thor sat in the locker room wrapping up his hands while his teammates got dressed all around him, he couldn't quite explain the way his heart felt like it was lodged in his throat.

It was November. The Oklahoma Cowboys had made it to to the NCAA Division I Football Championship this year, an accomplishment they were proud of—and they were facing the Yale Bulldogs. The playoff was held at Oklahoma State, so the home crowd was immense. Thor could hear the roaring from the locker room, but that wasn't what was bothering him.

Loki had never much cared for football. He had come to a few of Thor's games in high school, but he had always seemed bored out of his mind when Thor saw him. Thor didn't blame him, not really—it had been high school, after all—but college football was an entirely different game. With all likelihood, this would be the biggest game of Thor's career—and Loki would almost certainly be watching.

Thor could imagine Loki sitting in the back of his dorm's lounge at Yale, his feet drawn up on the armchair and his arms wrapped around his knees. He would rest his chin on his knees and watch the game silently. The ball would be set on the field; Loki's classmates would go up in a roar as they cheered on their team, while Loki would watch silently. Then, they would fall silent; the game would begin. Thor would score a touchdown, the room would fill with boos, and Loki's mouth would curl into a smile that no one would see.

"You ready for this?" asked Steve. Thor looked up. Steve had his helmet under one arm, and his normally soft blue eyes were hard as steel. He offered Thor his free hand.

Thor grinned and took it. "Most definitely."

* * *

The Cowboys were expecting it, but the roar that met them when they ran out onto the field was still a shock. As they ran, Thor squinted up at the stands. The early afternoon sun glinted off the metal seats, and the crowd was nothing more than a blur of blue and orange and white. Thor slowed to a stop and turned in a full circle, eying the stands. Steve called the team together and Thor jogged over to him, smiling to himself. Loki was never there, but Thor looked for him every time just in case.

"We know how to do this," Steve was shouting over the roar of the crowd. "We've done it before, and we'll do it again. Let's beat 'em." He took a deep breath and met his teammates' eyes. "_Cowboys!" _the team yelled. Thor felt the familiar rush fill his veins. As everyone hurried to their positions, Thor lagged behind. He caught Steve before he could jog past, and he patted Steve firmly on the shoulder.

"You're the best captain a team could ask for," he yelled over the crowd. Steve looked at him and smiled, and then he dropped down his visor.

Thor barely had time to think before the game had begun. It was fast-paced and brutal, and Thor was sweating heavily only a few yards in. Though Thor blocked out the sound for the most part, he could tell even the energy of the crowd was different; their roars went through highs and lows as fast as the game could change, and their silences were charged with static. But this—the lull before the storm, and then the rush—this was football, and this was something the Cowboys could do.

The game was getting close to the end when someone finally called a timeout. Thor gratefully took off his helmet and wiped off his forehead. His hair was tied back, but it was still wet with sweat and clung to his skin in long strands. He made a face and tried to smooth back the worst of it. Their coach was talking, but Thor had heard it before—all he really needed was a rest, and the gatorade he had in his hand. He looked up at the stands as he gulped down a mouthful. He was next to a a section of the stands that was covered in blue—Yale. He scanned their faces, knowing he wouldn't recognize any of them, when he caught sight of a shock of jet black hair. The crowd shifted, and for a moment, Thor lost him.

The sharp sound of the whistle made Thor look towards the field. His gatorade was already tossed to the side and his helmet in his hands as he looked back to the stands—and there he was. Loki's long, slim fingers gripped a water bottle, and Loki had his arms crossed over the railing as he leaned over, down, smiling at Thor.

"Thor!" shouted the coach. Thor slammed his helmet back on his head. He grinned through the sweat and heat and saluted Loki. He turned and jogged back onto the field. It was their ball; they could salvage something out of this game, Steve was telling them silently, they _had _to. Thor put his hands on his knees and looked at Steve. Steve cocked his head every so slightly, an unspoken question, and Thor nodded.

The ball was in play. The perfect arch of the ball, a pass; Thor caught it; Steve rammed into the man about to take Thor down. Thor sprinted, and when he fell, he brought the ball into the end zone.

The touchdown didn't matter; after the next play, the game was over. The crowd roared; Yale had won.

And Thor did not care in the least.

* * *

"Not to be critical of good sportsmanship or anything, but why are you smiling?"

Thor blinked. He had finished showering and had come out of the locker room with the expectation that security would have kept everyone out of the area like they were supposed to—but instead he was faced with a man with short, light brown hair who was looking at Thor with a raised eyebrow. Thor slung an arm around Clint's neck despite his protests. "Are you supposed to be back here?" Thor asked amusedly.

"No," Clint replied.

"He's not," the redheaded woman behind him said with a smirk.

"Hey," said Clint, trying to look at her as he craned his neck around Thor's arm. "Women are _definitely_ not allowed back here."

"How are you, Natasha?" Thor asked cheerfully.

"I've been better," she said dryly, and she pointedly ignored Clint.

The sound of echoing footsteps made Natasha look at someone behind them. Thor rotated Clint so they could both watch a man with black spiked hair and sunglasses stride down the hall towards them. "Hey, Point Break! Good game!" the man called, clearly not worried about whether he was allowed to be here or not.

"Anthony!" Thor exclaimed.

Tony stopped just in front of Thor. "You did good, buddy." He pushed his sunglasses up onto his head and gave Thor a smile. Before he could say anything more, however, Thor caught him in a half-armed hug.

"Glad you could make it," Thor said while Tony struggled to get his head above Thor's shoulder to breathe. Thor finally released him. Clint tried to squirm out of Thor's grip in the hope Thor would release him as well. He didn't.

Tony quickly stepped out of hug range, massaging his throat. "There was a definite change in your style towards the end there. Did you see a pretty girl, or—?"

The locker door opened, let out a momentary gust of steam and noise, and produced Steve before it closed again. "You only showed up for the last few minutes," Steve said. He still had a towel slung around the back of his neck, and his hair was damp. He gave Tony what might have passed for a glare if he had been less exhausted. "Bruce told me."

Tony immediately looked guilty. "We had to wrap up our lab report, and the experiment was going really well—"

"You finished your lab report days ago," Steve retorted.

"Guys, guys," Clint said, still firmly sandwiched between Thor's biceps and his torso. "We're ignoring the important question here. Why is Thor smiling?"

The group looked at Thor. Thor grinned.

"Is this a private party?" another voice asked, and the entire group turned to see a man leaning against the wall. His black hair was slicked back from his bright, sharp eyes. Thor released Clint, who staggered back a step, rubbing his neck with a wince.

"When did you show up?" Tony asked, looking between the man and the otherwise empty hallway with interest.

"This," Thor said, "is my brother, Loki." There was a smile teasing at the edge of Loki's lips, and he returned the mock-salute Thor had given him on the field. Thor strode towards Loki and pulled him into a crushing hug. Loki rolled his eyes and patted Thor on the back. When they separated, Thor's smile was blinding. "How did you get here?" His smile momentarily faded. "You didn't fly here just for this, did you?"

Loki shook his head. "Yale paid for my ticket. They needed someone to carry around water for the team, and the guy they had couldn't make it."

"Nice deal," said Clint.

"I'm glad you could make it," Thor told Loki. He gripped Loki's shoulder and looked into his eyes searchingly for a moment. They hadn't seen each other since . . . before school started.

"How long are you here for?"

Loki shrugged. "Just for another few hours until our flight back."

Thor's expression fell. "It's good to see you, no matter for how long," he said quietly, and Loki wouldn't quite meet his eyes. Thor turned back to his friends, who were watching with mixed expressions, and Thor brightened. "Of course. Loki, this is Tony"—Tony waved—"Steve"—

"Hello," said Steve.

"Natasha"—Natasha inclined her head—"And Clint."

"Howdy."

"A pleasure," Loki drawled.

"So, you're Loki," said Tony, approaching Loki and reaching out a hand. Loki eyed it, and then shook it warily. Tony leaned in close and examined him. Loki stood his ground, though he narrowed his eyes in displeasure. Apparently satisfied, Tony stepped back. "You really go to Yale?"

"Yes," Loki said icily.

"And Thor's really your brother?" Tony pointedly looked between the two of them. "I don't see much of a resemblance."

"Anthony—" Thor rumbled.

"I'm adopted," Loki said tightly. "Obviously."

Tony waved a hand dismissively. "No, no. I meant personality-wise. Thor here is like a big puppy"—Thor raised a doubtful eyebrow—"but I get the feeling you have a bit more of . . . a bite." Tony circled in closer to Loki, and Loki's eyes did not leave his once.

A slight smile curved Loki's lips. "Takes one to know one," he purred. Clint and Natasha exchanged a look. Steve did not looked pleased. Thor was not smiling anymore, but he looked more thoughtful than anything.

"You aren't by any chance interested in the sciences?" Tony asked. "Physics, maybe? Something with sparks?"

"Sadly, no," Loki told him, clearly as amused by Tony as Tony was fascinated by him. "I lean more towards linguistics and philosophy. And mathematics, occasionally. It's the only _pure_ science."

Tony's eyebrows approached his hairline. "One for purity, are you?"

Clint clapped his hands together. "What do you guys say to some drinks?"

"Yes," Steve said tightly. "Please."

The group moved out towards the fading sound of the crowd outside. Thor occupied Loki with asking about his flight and school, and Steve hung back to walk next to Tony. "He's only a freshman," Steve said quietly.

"So?" asked Tony. "Good job on the field today, by the way."

Steve sighed and ran a hand through his damp hair. "Just . . . try not to upset Thor, okay?"

"These are your friends," Loki said to Thor as they walked slightly ahead of the group. "How interesting."

"You never really met my friends in high school," Thor pointed out. He hesitated, and the chatter of the rest of them washed over them. "I wrote you about them, last week."

"Yes, I got your letter." Loki slipped a hand into his own jacket pocket and pulled out a slip of paper. "I thought it would be easiest to hand-deliver my reply."

Thor looked at the paper, and then at Loki in surprise. Loki was smirking, and in a better mood than Thor could remember him being when they had talked briefly those few times on the phone. A bit of light from a window caught Loki's eyes and they flashed green. Thor took the piece of paper from his fingers. Their fingers barely brushed before Loki released it. Loki was still looking straight into Thor's eyes. "You've been getting too much sun," he murmured, too low for the rest of them to hear. "I think football has made your freckles stand out more." Loki grinned. He turned away to ask Clint something, and suddenly Thor was fifteen again, standing outside of church, and he couldn't breath.

Thor slipped the piece of paper in his pocket. He had forgotten about that until just then; church and freckles. It seemed like an age ago. When was the last time he and Loki had gone to church together?

"How are you doing?" Natasha asked quietly. Thor hadn't noticed her slip up beside him. He smiled at her.

"Fine. Did you enjoy the game?"

The corner of her mouth quirked up. "I enjoyed the corn dogs."

He grinned. "Do you think there are any left?"

* * *

Steve had word that most of the team was meeting up at a bar nearby, so the group trekked across the street and headed in that direction. The air smelled clean and crisp, and they walked quickly. The minute they got inside, Thor and Tony made a beeline for the bar to order food. "Tony and I are the only ones of us actually old enough to buy drinks," Natasha confided in Loki. "If you'd like something . . . ?"

"I'm fine, but thanks," Loki said. He looked curiously around the bar. "Are the rest of you sophomores, then?"

"Yes. Bruce is also a junior, though. He might join us later." Natasha was called away to help order, so Loki looked around for Clint and Steve. They had picked out a booth, and Loki slid into it across from them.

"You're Thor's roommate?" Loki asked Steve.

"Yes." Steve had his hands folded on the table in front of him. He was not impolite, but he was more guarded than the others. Loki wondered what Thor had told him—or if the distance was personal. "I'm sorry about Tony," Steve said finally.

"I don't mind." A pause. "Is he like that with everyone?"

"No," said Steve. _Are you? _Steve seemed dying to ask, but he kept his mouth closed in a tight line, and Loki wasn't about to volunteer an answer to an unasked question.

Loki eyed Clint curiously, but Clint was busy watching Natasha from a distance, so Loki turned back to Steve. "You're the captain of Thor's team too, aren't you?" Steve nodded. "You played well," Loki said with no hint of malice. "I won't pretend to know very much about football, but you did a better job than our captain." A smile. Steve smiled faintly. Then Natasha returned, and Tony and Thor followed with enough food to feed an army.

"Food!" Tony cried, and chuckles ran around the table. Loki ended up crammed in the corner with Thor next to him, and as the group grabbed piles of fries and breadsticks, Loki smiled and joined in. It was warm, sitting next to Thor, which was a welcome change from the chill of the air outside. When Thor wasn't looking, Loki stole his beer and drank a quarter of it before Thor noticed. At the look on Thor's face, Loki laughed, a clear peal of joy, and the rest of the group smiled. Thor smirked and snatched it out of Loki's grasp. Loki complained, and Thor grinned, and Natasha and Tony exchanged smiles.

"He needs to visit more often," Tony mouthed, and Natasha rolled her eyes.

"No way," she mouthed back. "You're a horrible flirt."

"Me?" Tony exclaimed in mock-horror.

"Not everything is about you, Tony," Steve said seriously, though there was a glint in his eyes. Everyone laughed.

Thor turned to Loki when the laughter had died down and the conversation had moved on. "I meant to mention this earlier." He scratched the stubble on his chin idly and didn't meet Loki's eyes. "Flights are expensive this time of year. Ma told me we . . . might not be able to come home for Thanksgiving."

"Yeah." Loki looked down at the table. "That's what she told me too."

"Winter Break is only in a month," Thor pointed out, as he had already pointed out to himself and his mother. "I think I'll drive home from school this year, though, so I might be a few days late."

Loki cocked his head. "You have a car?"

"No, it's Jane's." Loki slowly arched an eyebrow and Thor shook his head. "It's not like that. It just seems silly to not drive together since she lives so close to us." By now, the others had quieted down enough to listen.

Loki looked back at the table. "Of course. And you can split the gas money."

"Yeah." Thor swished the beer around at the bottom of his bottle. "She's got a new boyfriend. Donald, or something."

"Good for her." Even Thor caught the bitterness in Loki's voice, and he winced.

"Has anyone seen the latest _Dog Cops_?" Clint asked in the silence.

Loki glanced at the clock on the wall of the bar. "I think it's time for me to go." He scrunched his napkin in one hand and stood, and Thor hastily stood up too. After a moment, Tony took the hint and inched out of the booth. As Loki swept past Tony and Thor, he shoved the napkin into Tony's hands. Thor caught a glimpse of it as Tony unfolded it; Loki's number was scrawled across it in blue ink.

"It was nice to meet you all," Loki said. He nodded at Thor and left, the door to the bar banging shut behind him.

"It was a pretty good episode," Steve said in the silence.

"Right?" said Clint.

* * *

When Loki and the Bulldogs got back to school, Sif was waiting for them at the bus stop. "Do you know how I found out where you had been all day?" she demanded as he stepped off the bus. He gave her an amused look and started towards his dorm. "I was watching the game on TV. You were in a shot of the crowd at one point. You were _glowing."_

Loki rolled his eyes. "I am not pregnant, Sif. You don't need to be concerned."

"I don't believe you." Sif squinted as his mouth. "What is this? Is this a smile? Why were you at a _football game?_"

"The water boy couldn't make it, so . . ."

"Wait." She stopped in front of him, forcing him to do the same. "Is there someone you're not telling me about? Is he on the football team? Oh my _god, _Loki! What did you do to the poor water boy to take his place?"

"I didn't poison him," he informed her. He stepped around her and continued walking. "Stop looking so alarmed. He had a lot of work to do this weekend, so I told him I'd . . . _help_ him with his essay, and be so kind as to take his place so he'd have more time to work on it."

"You're writing his essay for him."

"Nonsense. I'm simply pointing him in the right direction."

Sif huffed. "Are you going to tell me the name of this guy, or am I going to have to hunt him down myself?"

Loki laughed. "Leave me alone, Sif. I have an essay to write."


	8. Chapter 8

_Chapter 8_

After Loki left, Thor swirled around what was left of his beer while he listened to his friends chat about anything and everything that didn't have to do with Loki. After a few minutes, he drank the last of his beer and told them he was going to go back to his dorm. "I'll come with you," said Steve quickly. Natasha caught Steve's eye as they were pulling on their coats in an unspoken question. Steve shook his head slightly: _Not right now. Give him some time. _

Once they were outside on the cold, windy street, Thor put his hands in his pockets. Steve zipped up his jacket against the chill and did the same. They walked in silence all the way back to campus. When they were in sight of the dorms, Steve let out a breath and said, "I'm an only child."

Thor looked at him curiously out of the corner of his eye. "Really?" he said when Steve didn't say anything else.

"Yeah." He looked up at the sky. "I don't know what it's like to have a brother, and I don't know what you and Loki are going through, but if you need someone to talk to, I'm here."

Thor was silent for a moment. "Thanks," he said, and meant it.

When they got to their room, Steve said something about needing to pick up a book at the library and left again. Thor was grateful for some time alone, and he sat down at his desk. Loki's letter was still folded up in his pocket, so he took it out and flattened the worn piece of printer paper on the desk.

_Thor –_

_Your friends sound nice. I'm glad you and your roommate get along. You mentioned that he was the captain of the football team very casually, I noticed. You don't have to pretend you don't play football just because I don't enjoy the game as much as you do. Ma has to tell me how the games go for you. She doesn't have to look up your schedule online. Did you know that pa still wants me to pick up a varsity sport, even after that whole thing when I joined the swimming team in middle school? I can't believe him. _

_I haven't mentioned my friends much, have I? Yes, I have indeed made friends. I think you would like Sif a great deal; she's like you in a lot of ways, though more stubborn, if you can believe it. She's a chemistry major and (obviously) incredibly smart. I don't get along quite as well with Fandral, Volstagg, and Hogun, but they've known her for much longer than I have and the four of them are almost never apart. _

_Everyone here seems to know exactly what they're doing. Everyone always seems to be asking me, "What's your major?" I've been saying different things lately to see how they sound. I still haven't found it yet. _

_I didn't realize it until now, but spring of last year was the longest we've been apart since either of us can remember (unless you have a much better memory than I think you do). It's strange to think about. I suppose I'm being more verbose than usual, so I'll end here. Perhaps I'm excited. I'm writing this on the plane, so it's not like I won't have plenty of time to talk to you myself. _

_P.S. Prediction #1: You'll do an excellent job in your game today – two touchdowns, perhaps? _

_Prediction #2: I won't see you again until Christmas break. _

_Prediction #3: Ma will send us pumpkin pies anyway. Happy early Thanksgiving. _

He hadn't bothered to sign it.

Thor knew that Loki had given his number to Tony to hurt him. But why, exactly, Loki wanted to hurt him, he could not quite remember. Loki always implied it had something to do with Jane—but that didn't feel quite right. Jane and Loki had barely spoken to each other, and when they had, Jane had always been kind to him. Loki had never been more than civil.

Thor picked up the letter and read it through again. He was not as unobservant as Loki thought he was; he had known how few friends Loki had back then, and he had known that Loki was jealous of the attention Thor gave to Jane. But it was more than that. Could Loki blame Thor for that time when Loki had . . . ? But Loki had never expressed any sort of blame for what had happened that summer night, even during all the hospital visits and the casts and the pain medication. In fact, they had never spoken about it, not directly.

But Thor knew Loki blamed him for something, and Loki was never wrong. Deep down, Thor was certain that whatever Loki blamed him for was truly his fault.

* * *

Thor was working on an Electricity and Magnetism problem set when there was a knock at the door. Thor frowned; Steve didn't need to knock. "Come in," Thor called, still half-expecting it to be Steve.

Tony opened the door. He had ditched his sunglasses since Thor had seen him last, and his swagger was toned down more than usual. He gave Thor a rueful smile. "Hey."

Thor sat back in his chair. "Hello. Steve left"—he glanced at Steve's alarm clock, which they shared—"um, awhile ago."

"Yeah, I wasn't looking for Steve." Tony shoved his hands in his pockets and walked over to Thor's desk. "Did Loki get on his plane okay?"

"I don't know."

Tony nodded. He looked down at Thor's homework, but his eyes were glazed. "I guess I don't do apologies real well," he said suddenly, "but I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make things worse." He looked at Thor searchingly. "Steve said . . . ?" Thor frowned, but before he could ask what exactly Steve had said, Tony shrugged and looked away. "It doesn't matter. I just wanted to tell you I hadn't meant anything by it." He pulled something out of his pocket and set it on Thor's desk. "I was never going to call him, anyway."

Thor smoothed out the napkin, automatically double-checking that it really was Loki's number. "He is my brother, but I have no right to say what he can and can't do," Thor said. He frowned. "I was just . . . surprised. I hadn't known he . . . I supposed it had never occurred to me." It had, once or twice, but he had always believed that Loki would tell him if he was interested in men when he was ready. He looked at Tony, his eyes suddenly clear. "If you did call him, I would not be bothered." He paused. "Mostly."

Tony grinned at the last word. "Yeah, that's what I thought. But seriously, I'm happy with how my life is going right now. I'm not interested in fucking that up." He went to the door, but paused with his hand on the doorknob. "I don't think he ever wanted me to call him," he said softly, and then he left.

Steve came in a few minutes later. "Was Tony here?" he asked, surprised. "I saw him on my way in."

"Yeah," said Thor absently. He was bent over his homework. "He had forgotten to tell me something."

* * *

Loki remembered one Thanksgiving when it had been so hot, the adults kept exclaiming that there was no way it was November. He and Thor went outside after dinner, and Loki pointed out all the constellations to Thor that belied the weather. They decided to stay there all night, and it seemed like they might actually do it; their parents wouldn't expect them home until midnight. They lounged out in the field outside their house, barefoot, content with silence. It was dry and Loki's lungs felt like they were full of dust. Thor was looking out at the horizon, even though the sun had long since set, and there was a smile on his face. Loki saw that smile and couldn't bring himself to complain.

It was Loki who convinced Thor to go inside before midnight. They were both falling asleep. It must have been because Thor was so tired that he told Loki what he did. "One of my friends said today that he was glad you weren't my brother," Thor said as they looked up at the house, both delaying going inside. "I wanted to hit him."

"Did you?"

"No. It was at recess. All the teachers would have seen. I told him I would if he said it again, though."

Loki was quite for a minute. "Which friend was it?"

Thor frowned. Loki could see the way his brow furrowed and his lip jutted out even in the starlight. "Did I say that? Well, he's not my friend anymore."

* * *

Thanksgiving Break came up fast, and the dorms emptied of almost everyone, including Sif. Loki had enough work to do that he was almost glad he wasn't going home. At least this way, he had no reason to procrastinate until the night before.

A few days after Thanksgiving, on the Tuesday of the next week of classes, Loki got a postcard. The front had _Oklahoma State _printed across it in big, orange letters, and the rest of the space was filled with photographs of their football team. Loki squinted at the players for quite some time, but he was fairly certain none of them were Thor. Doubtless Thor had picked it in a hurry.

A short message had been scrawled on the other side in Thor's broad, round hand:

_Dear Loki,_

_Happy Thanksgiving! Ma really did send me a pumpkin pie. I can't believe her sometimes, but it's still good. I hope this gets there in time. _

_Love,  
Thor_

Loki smiled and slipped the card in the top drawer of his desk, on top of the photograph of the two of them together.

* * *

"This sucks," Loki grumbled as he shoved his chin farther under the collar of his jacket.

"I don't understand how you can say that," Sif told him. It was the weekend before finals. Loki had agreed to accompany Sif and some of her friends on an errand downtown, and now they were walking through light flurries of snow. "Shouldn't you be, like, excited?"

"I _have _seen snow before."

"Oh, come on. I'm from Nevada. I've probably seen the same amount of snowfall you have. Don't you want to make up for all those white Christmases you missed?"

Loki glared at her. Whatever she saw startled her into laughter. "What?" he demanded.

"I just had the perfect idea for a Christmas present for you," she told him.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" asked Fandral. He was the most boisterous of Sif's friends, and Loki vacillated between liking him least and liking him best. He was blond and very handsome, and he clearly knew it. He smirked at Loki. Loki glared at him. Fandral flirted with everything that moved, but Loki wanted to make it very clear that he did _not _go for pretty boys.

Sif shook her head with a smile. "Maybe." She spotted something in a shop window across the street and her eyes lit up. "Ah-ha! Hogun, Volstagg, guard the hostage." She and Fandral ran across the street to the shop without another word. Loki glanced at Hogun, the dark-haired, quiet one of the company. Hogun merely shrugged. Volstagg began to hum something Loki didn't recognize, and the three of them studiously ignored each other while they waited.

The door to the store swung open again. "They had them!" Sif shrieked, and she and Fandral raced back over to them. Sif was holding a cardboard box about the size of a shoebox with a red ribbon tied around it. She shoved it into Loki's hands. Volstagg came over to him and eyed it curiously.

Loki arched an eyebrow as he examined the box. "Should I wait?"

"No, go ahead," said Sif. Her cheeks, which had already been pink from the cold, flushed further with excitement.

Loki undid the ribbon and opened the box to find layers of tissue paper. He peeled them back to reveal . . . a pair of earmuffs. They were white and very fluffy. He scowled.

Sif and the others dissolved into gales of laughter. "They're perfect for you!" Volstagg exclaimed. "Put them on."

"Please do," said Fandral. Loki knew that the hand lurking in his pocket was ready to pull out his phone the minute Loki did so. Loki rolled his eyes, but he pulled the earmuffs out of the box. Sif took the box away from him and he put them on.

Instantly, Sif and Fandral had their phones out and were taking pictures of him. Loki made sure to scowl through the whole ordeal, but he was secretly pleased. No one outside of his family had ever bought him a Christmas present before. The earmuffs were ridiculous, and the pictures would undoubtedly make it onto Facebook (which would require more complaining on his part), but he thought that if it was this cold when school started back up in January, he just might wear them.

"Smile!" said Sif, and Loki had to threaten to throw the earmuffs at her head to avoid doing just that.

* * *

When Loki got back to his dorm, he found a missed call on his phone from their house, which meant Frigga had called. He hit _Call Back _and waited. His mother picked up after one ring.

"Oh, darling, it's good to hear your voice," she said. "I was just calling to wish you luck on finals."

Loki smiled and shifted the phone to between his shoulder and ear. "Thanks ma," he said as he took off his gloves.

"How are you feeling about them this semester? You did so well last semester. We're all very proud of you."

Loki took off his coat one arm at a time. "Yeah, I'm feeling good this semester. I think Greek will actually be easier this time, now that I'm used to it."

"That's good to hear. And your friends are doing well? Oh, the pasta is boiling over. Your father wants to talk to you. I love you."

"I love you too," Loki said automatically.

"Here's your father." There was a silence on the other end.

"Hello?" said Odin.

"Hello," said Loki politely. He picked his phone back up in one hand and unwound his scarf from around his neck with the other.

"Finals are this week."

"Yes."

"You'll do well." It sounded like a command.

"Yes."

"Are you coming home next summer?"

Loki froze, his scarf dangling from one hand. "What do you mean, 'am I coming home'?"

"Have you booked your flight yet? Your mother and I were looking at our expenses, and—"

"It will be my first summer home from college!" Something sharp was cutting into Loki's lungs. Angry tears prickled his eyes. "Are you telling me you can send me to college but you don't have enough money to bring me back? Is Thor coming home?"

"Loki. You know we're not putting you through college. You've taken out loans and there was a reason you worked last summer. Thor has a scholarship—"

"Yale doesn't give merit-based scholarships!" Loki screamed into the phone. "I am going to _Yale, _and you didn't think to tell me we can't afford it?"

Odin was silent for a long moment. "We can afford it," he said quietly, "but plane tickets are expensive. We already bought your tickets for Christmas, but find another way to come home for the summer." The line went dead.


	9. Chapter 9

_Chapter 9_

After finals, Thor drove home with Jane as planned. He had thought it would be difficult, being confined in a car with her for over ten hours, but after the first half hour they fell into something similar to their old routine. He hadn't talked to her much since their breakup, and it was nice to catch up. They had talked about dividing the drive between two days, but in the end they did it in one straight shot. Thor got home late and exhausted, but a grin lit up his face when he saw his parents. He asked if Loki had gotten in yet, was told that he hadn't, and went to bed without thinking anymore about it.

The next morning, Thor came downstairs at nearly noon. His parents were at work, and he yawned as he slowly went about the process of making himself breakfast. He checked his phone: no calls.

When Frigga and Odin got home that night, Loki still wasn't back. When Thor asked when his flight was, Odin shrugged.

"He told us he had delayed it by a few days. He'll call us when he gets here."

At dinner, Frigga worked questions about Loki into their conversation: Did Loki know his major yet? How had Loki handled his first year of college? How were finals? Had he been homesick? Thor realized he didn't know the answers. When Thor had seen him at the football game, they had hardly talked about school, if at all. Frigga didn't seem worried, but Thor began to wonder what was taking him so long.

The next night, when they were just starting to make dinner, the doorbell rang. Thor's heart leapt into his throat. He had a split second to think, _Oh god, Loki. We haven't seen each other in so long; what if I say something, what if he can tell? _before he remembered that it might not even be Loki, and that Loki had no reason to think Thor would ever care for him as anything more than a brother_. _Thor swallowed and willed his heartbeat to slow. For almost the entire semester, he had ignored that memory of driving Loki to the hospital. How had he thought he could make himself forget?

He turned towards the door, but Frigga and Odin had already reached it. Frigga opened the door. "Loki!" she exclaimed, and Thor's heartbeat finally evened out. Loki was home, and Loki was okay. Thor came up behind Frigga to peer over her shoulder. A man was standing next to Loki. He had an easy smile and long, dark hair than hung loosely around his shoulders. Frigga was clearly surprised, but she covered it up well. "You didn't tell us you were bringing a friend."

The man had his hand resting on Loki's far hip, and at the comment, he pulled Loki a little closer. Loki bumped against his shoulder easily. He looked far from a "friend."

"Be nice, ma," Loki said. There was a nasty edge to his tone, and his smile didn't look quite right. "Aren't you going to let us in?"

She hastily pulled the door all the way open. "Of course. Guests are always welcome," she said warmly.

"It's not nice of you to not warn your mother," Odin told Loki in a low voice as he brushed past him.

Loki paused and gave him a look. "Loki," Thor said in a low, warning tone, and Loki continued past them all without even glancing at Thor. It hurt to be brushed aside, but they would have time to talk later. As Frigga and Odin followed Loki into the house, Thor turned to Loki's . . . friend and held out his hand with a smile. "I'm Thor. I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."

"Svadilfari," he said in a cool voice. He shook Thor's hand, but his eyes followed Loki's back as he walked towards the kitchen. He let go of Thor's hand and made to follow Loki, but Thor gently stopped him with a hand on his chest. Svadilfari looked at him irritatedly and Thor smiled.

"Sorry. Ma and pa have to interrogate him. We haven't seen him in months."

Voices were rising in the kitchen. "I'm sorry," Loki snarled, and Svadilfari looked over Thor's shoulder wide-eyed. "Is it because he's _black? _Or is it because _we're both men?" _

Thor winced. "_Loki_," snapped Frigga, and Thor decided it was time for an escape.

He clapped Svadilfari on the shoulder. "Do you have any luggage?"

Svadilfari nodded after a furtive glance over Thor's shoulder. "It's in the car."

Thor followed Svadilfari outside and they began to haul his and Loki's luggage inside. Apparently Svadilfari was planning to stay for a few days; Frigga would be thrilled.

Actually, she very well might be. Loki had never brought anyone home before. Thor had always been Odin's favorite, but Loki was still Frigga's baby boy. Thor eyed Svadilfari as they trudged up the stairs to Loki's room with the luggage, though it was probably a waste of effort since someone would almost certainly end up sleeping on the couch. Loki had clearly chosen him to rile up their parents, but he didn't seem like a bad guy. He was pretty relaxed about the whole thing, actually.

Thor stopped Svadilfari before they went back downstairs and patted him companionably on the shoulder. "You seem like a nice guy," said Thor, "but if you hurt him, I'll break your neck." Thor grinned. Svadilfari stared at him for a moment, and then laughed like he thought Thor was kidding.

When they got back downstairs, everyone had calmed down somewhat. Loki wasn't making eye contact with anyone, but Frigga invited Svadilfari into the kitchen with a smile, and he was quickly incorporated into the process of serving dinner. Thor leaned against the counter and watched. Loki seemed to cheer up a little when he saw that Thor hadn't dismembered Svadilfari, but otherwise he barely seemed to notice the man's existence. Svadilfari went out of his way to brush his fingers across Loki's when he took dishes from him, and he would bump into Loki on purpose, but as Thor watched, he found that Loki consistently rejected his advances. He would push Svadilfari away from him gently when he got too close, and his fingers never lingered when they touched. When Loki went to set the table, Svadilfari followed.

"Thor, take this out to the table and sit down. We're just about ready to eat."

Thor took the green beans from his mother and headed towards the dining room. He bumped into Loki going the opposite direction, and Loki jumped. "Sorry," said Thor in surprise.

"Sorry," Loki mumbled automatically in response, and he flitted back into the kitchen. Thor frowned slightly as he continued on his way. Loki had avoided his eyes, yet again. He hoped that Loki wasn't mad at him. He had no idea why he would be.

They all finally sat down and Frigga, Odin, and Thor said grace. Thor watched Loki from under his lashes as they did so; Loki's eyes were lowered politely, but he gave no other sign of emotion. Odin carved the turkey (Svadilfari politely declined a slice) and they relaxed. Conversation flowed easily, and Odin and Frigga managed to pull personal details out of Svadilfari without being too obvious about it. Thor helped himself to another slice of turkey while Loki passed the green beans over to their father. Thor and Loki's eyes met across the table. Thor smiled automatically, and the slight curve of Loki's lips blossomed into a smile immediately.

The house finally felt like home.

* * *

After dinner, Thor went out on the back deck with a beer while Odin kindly looked the other way. It was cool out, but the sky was clear and the stars were bright. A few moments later, he heard the door open and Loki sat down quietly beside him.

"You guys are cute together," Thor commented.

Loki huffed out a laugh. "Thanks," he said dryly.

"Aren't you worried they're ripping him to shreds in there?" Thor asked, gesturing back to the house.

"Nah." Loki gazed out at the landscape. There wasn't much to see; just the dark, empty fields and a few distant lights. "He can handle it."

Thor wanted to ask Loki questions, so many questions, but he knew that Loki had been interrogated enough by their parents for the night, so he kept his mouth shut. They sat there in companionable silence for several minutes.

"Can I have a sip?"

Thor wordlessly handed over his beer. Loki took a long swallow, his throat milk-white under the starlight, and then handed it back. Thor brought his knees up and rested his hands on them. He held the beer loosely in one hand, tapping it against his knee to the sound of distant music that one of their neighbors was playing. He cleared his throat and gazed innocently at the sky. "So tell me, is he hung like a horse?" Loki snorted and hastily tried to turn it into a cough. Thor grinned; Loki wasn't fooling anyone. "That's what I thought," Thor said into his beer, and then Loki was outright laughing. Thor chuckled and slung an arm around his shoulders. "Welcome back, brother," he said in his ear, and Loki shook helplessly against him. Loki was wearing a thin t-shirt, and Thor could feel the heat of him easily where they were pressed together. Thor tried to ignore the way his own heart rattled in his chest, but it was so hard when Loki was right there.

Loki must have felt Thor tensing up, because he pulled away and chuckled into his hand. "You're ridiculous," he told Thor.

"Uh-huh," said Thor, raising his eyebrows. "I'm the one who brought back a guy just to piss off my parents." He shook his head and took a swig of the beer. It was cool on his tongue, and it burned down his throat as he swallowed. "There are easier ways to do that, you know." _What happened?_ he wanted to ask, but he let Loki think.

Loki wasn't laughing anymore. He looked at his feet, and Thor couldn't see his face. "What happened with you and Jane?" he asked quietly.

Thor looked out at the fields. It was an old tactic of Loki's to deflect implied questions with questions of his own, but Thor knew that Loki honestly wanted to know. "We were better as friends," he said finally. He stood up and held out a hand to Loki. "You want to go inside? I want to get dibs on the couch before ma and pa throw a fit."

Loki looked up at Thor. "Really?"

"Yeah. You deserve a real bed your first night back. Svadilfari can have yours, and you can sleep in mine." Loki took Thor's hand and Thor pulled him to his feet."No sex in my bed, though," Thor told him, and Loki smacked him on the shoulder.

That night, tossing uncomfortably on the couch, Thor felt like a coal was slowly burning through his stomach. He thought of Loki panting under Svadilfari, of Loki licking a stripe down his skin teasingly, Loki's black, painted nails digging into his shoulder blades, and he felt like he was going to throw up.

How the hell was Thor going to survive this?

* * *

That morning, Thor, Frigga, and Odin were already up when Svadilfari and Loki stumbled downstairs to breakfast. They both looked suspiciously tired, but Thor reasoned that they had had a long day of traveling. He tried not to think about it too much.

Odin was frying an egg. "Would you like one?" he asked the stove top. There was a pause before Svadilfari realized this question was probably aimed at him.

"No thanks," he said.

"Svadilfari is a vegan," Loki explained.

Odin and Frigga exchanged looks, Odin's incredulous, Frigga's concerned. "Oh," said Frigga. "Would you like some cereal?"

Loki rolled his eyes and went over to the fridge. "With nothing in it? We don't have soy milk." He pulled out the orange juice and poured two glasses. He set one of them in front of Thor and took the other one for himself. "Would you like some?" he asked Svadilfari. Thor looked at him in surprise, then quickly looked away. Loki rarely spent energy on kind gestures, and Thor could see no reason for this one. Loki knew that Thor had always loved orange juice. Thor took a sip from his glass and avoided Svadilfari's eyes.

"Yes, thank you," said Svadilfari.

"What about oatmeal?" asked Frigga.

Loki looked to the heavens, presumably for patience. "We make it with milk and butter, ma."

"Right," Frigga said. There was a flush high on her cheeks. Thor couldn't remember the last time he had seen her embarrassed.

Thor took a gulp of his orange juice and then stood. "How does some toast and jam sound?" he asked.

"That would be great," said Svadilfari gratefully, and Thor showed him where the jam and bread were. When Thor walked back over to the table to the remains of his own breakfast, Loki gave him a strange look. Thor sighed inwardly. Did Loki really think that Thor wouldn't notice that Loki was trying to make the situation as awkward as possible?

_I know you better than you think I do, brother._

Svadilfari left that afternoon. Loki borrowed the car to drive Svadilfari to wherever he was going, and as Thor watched them drive away, his mouth tightened into a straight line. He didn't know what had happened to make Loki want to hurt their parents, but he hoped Loki got over it soon. As horrible as he felt for wishing it, he hoped he never saw Svadilfari again.

* * *

_Author's note: _I now have an AO3 account (the link is in my profile), so you can read this fic there, too! I will update both versions of the story at the same time.


	10. Chapter 10

_Chapter 10_

Svadilfari had been gone for a week when Loki woke up and found that he had a message from, of all places, the police station.

"Hey brother, it's Thor," said Thor's tired voice. "It's nearly three in the morning, so I figure you won't get this until the morning. The later morning. After the sun rises." There was a heavy sigh, and Loki could see Thor running his hand over his face. "Um. This is my phone call. I'm at the police station, so if you could pick me up, that would be great."

Loki rolled out of bed, got dressed, and grabbed the car keys before either of their parents got up.

* * *

"What was he brought in for?" Loki asked the policeman at the front desk as he signed the required paperwork.

The man shrugged lazily. "If you want to know, you can ask him."

When Thor was led out to the front of the station and saw Loki, he looked so relieved Loki almost didn't want to yell at him. "Hey," said Thor. He didn't seem to be in a hurry to go anywhere. His hair was greasy and hung in front of his face. He was badly in need of a shower.

"Car's out front," Loki said in a clipped voice. Thor nodded and followed him outside. Loki started the car without a word, and Thor seemed content to just lean his head back and close his eyes.

"What did you do?"

"It doesn't matter," Thor said. He sighed. "Thanks for picking me up. Don't tell ma and pa?"

"Did you get drunk?" Loki's hands were tight on the steering wheel. It was no secret that their father veered dangerously close to alcoholism sometimes, and this wasn't the first time Loki had driven Thor home.

Thor looked at Loki. "Yes," he said bluntly, "but that wasn't what they arrested me for."

"Then what did you do?"

"Leave it alone."

"_Thor_."

Thor sighed and looked out the window. "I punched a guy. But he deserved it."

"Did he." Violence: just what their family needed.

"Yes, Loki, he did," Thor said, and to Loki's surprise, he actually sounded angry. "It's none of your business, okay? I don't want to talk about it."

They came to a red light, and Loki tried to stop the car slowly and calmly. He breathed through his nose. "I single-handedly paid for your bail and drove all the way out here to get you," Loki said quietly. "I think I deserve to know."

"Not everything is about you, Loki—"

"Then why are you having such a hard time just _telling me—" _

"He was talking shit about you, _okay?_" Thor shouted. The light had turned green, but it took Loki a little longer than usual to get the car moving forward again. There was a moment of silence. Thor swallowed. "He was talking shit about you because he knew about Svadilfari," Thor said in a low voice. "_Everyone _knows about Svadilfari."

"What do they say?" Loki knew that he was just baiting Thor, now, but everything felt very clear and cold. Loki had always had a morbid curiosity about what other people thought about him.

"Don't think I'm defending your _boyfriend's_ honor," Thor continued, ignoring Loki's question, "because that piece of scum did not deserve you. You knew better."

"You seemed to like him well enough a week ago," Loki said reasonably.

"That's because I actually thought you _cared _about him. I was trying, okay? He didn't even go to your school. How do you think I felt when I found out that all that luggage I carried upstairs was yours? That he was just someone you picked up at a bar when you got out here? Since when have you been old enough to pick up guys at bars, Jesus." Thor rubbed his forehead.

"Who told you?"

"Your roommate. He said you had never hung out with anyone named Svadilfari."

"You called him?"

"Yes."

Loki didn't need to ask how Thor had gotten Heimdall's number. He had probably gone through Loki's phone and copied all his contacts the minute he had left his phone unattended, because it was exactly the invasive, overly protective sort of thing that Thor would do.

Thor smacked the window with the flat of his palm and Loki nearly veered into the other lane. "He just wanted you for a quick fuck, Loki! How could you be so stupid to use him like that?"

"We never had sex," Loki said quietly. "Well, not like that," he amended more quietly. "But he understood. I wasn't using him."

Thor glared at him. "You used him to make our parents feel like they know nothing about you. Tell me how that isn't using him."

Loki stared straight ahead. "I'm done with this conversation."

Thor turned away with a huff. They went past the grocery store, the gas station, the veterinary hospital where they had taken one of Frigga's cats when it had run away once and come back with a limp. Loki regretted having brought Svadilfari home, now—but he did not regret the rest of it. It had been refreshing to feel hands on him that were not imagined, to breathe in the scent of someone who smelled nothing like Thor. He had stollen kisses at parties with his eyes closed, and it had been very similar. He hadn't had to think, just act.

(What he had regretted was the way Thor's laugh had sounded fake, the way his mother had looked genuinely hurt, the way Svadilfari had given him knowing glances: _They didn't know, did they? You didn't know how to tell them.)_

"What did our parents do to upset you?" Thor asked quietly. "Why did it take you so long to get home?"

"I can't come home next summer."

"What?" Thor turned around so quickly his seatbelt protested.

Loki flexed his hands on the wheel and sighed. "I was considering not coming home for break, but the tickets were nonrefundable. We can't afford the tickets for me to fly me home for the summer."

Thor relaxed. "So?" he said, and for an instant, Loki was the angriest he had been in his entire life. "You can drive."

Loki blinked. He was silent for one beat too long. "No, you moron. I don't have a car."

"Doesn't one of your friends?"

Loki snorted. "I don't have _anyone_ who would be willing to drive me all the way down the coast," he said derisively.

"I would."

Loki glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "No, you wouldn't. You'd have to drive all the way up to get me, probably from Oklahoma." Loki suddenly laughed. "Thor! You don't have a car either."

Thor shrugged. "I could borrow one. It wouldn't have to be from Jane. Do our parents really need two cars for, what, a weekend? How long would it take us to drive down the coast?"

Loki was silent, calculating. "Twenty hours? Fifteen? That's only one way, though."

Thor shrugged. "Two or three days, split between the two of us? No problem. I could take my time coming up. We could get ma and pa to go on vacation somewhere. They look like they need it."

"Yeah," said Loki dazedly. They were silent as Loki pulled into their driveway. Loki cut the engine and pulled out the keys.

"Loki," said Thor in a low voice, and Loki looked up. Thor slipped his hand around the back of Loki's neck, the way he used to do when they were kids. His hand was warm and solid. "I mean it. Driving you would be no problem." His eyes were slate grey in the early morning light.

"Okay," said Loki. He knew his eyes were too wide and too eager, but he let himself smile at Thor. "Okay."

Though Loki had never promised it, he didn't tell either of their parents what had happened. As far as they were concerned, Thor had gotten back late the night before and Loki had woken up early to run a quick errand.

* * *

Christmas was on them before they were ready. Loki got up early in the expectation that Thor would be already be there, shaking the presents like he always did, but the living room was empty. Loki went into the kitchen and set about making himself some coffee while he waited.

Loki was sipping at the steaming liquid and enjoying the quiet when there was a _"Shit!"_ from upstairs, followed by a thump. Moments later, Thor came thundering down the stairs. Loki listened to the sound of his footsteps fade in the direction of the living room, where the tree was. There was a moment of silence. Apparently finding the living room as deserted as Loki had, Thor wandered into the dining room. He caught sight of Loki in the doorway to the kitchen. Loki raised an eyebrow.

Thor reddened. "I didn't realize what time it was," he mumbled. When he noticed what Loki was drinking, he brightened. "Is there any left?"

"Help yourself," Loki said dryly. He stepped out of the doorway and watched as Thor rummaged around in the cupboards for a mug. A few minutes later, their parents came down the stairs and were drawn into the kitchen by the smell of coffee. Odin grunted at them in greeting and poured out the last of the coffee for himself and his wife.

Frigga wrapped her fingers around her coffee mug with a contented sigh as she smiled at her sons. "You boys can start whenever you're ready," she told them. Thor didn't need to be told twice.

Since most of their family lived in the area, they would exchange gifts with their relatives at the party planned for that night. Thor's birthday was on December 5, so his birthday was always lumped in with Christmas celebrations and he always seemed more spoiled than the rest of them. Because of this, Loki was fairly certain he looked on Christmas mornings more fondly than Thor did; right now, Loki did not have to compete with aunts and uncles for his attention.

Since it was an odd year, Thor went first. Their parents had gotten him a new pair of football cleats, which were of course well-received. Loki had grown used to years of books for his birthday and Christmas, so he was not surprised by the size and heft of the gift from his parents. This time, it was a collection of Sappho's poetry, both in the original Greek and translated into English. The warm smile that lit up Loki's face when he saw the cover was genuine, and his parents exchanged smug looks.

Loki's present to Thor had been coordinated with his parents': a new pair of football gloves. Thor pulled Loki into a crushing hug, which Loki didn't exactly think was deserved, but he returned it warmly nonetheless. Thor's present to Loki, which Loki had at first thought was a book, slid curiously from side to side in his hands. Loki frowned at it.

"Loki, just open it," said Thor.

Loki glanced at him, still frowning, but did as he said. It was a stack of_ National Geographic _magazines.

Loki stared at the cover of the first one in surprise. Why on earth—? He flipped through them, but he found nothing to enlighten him. The photographs were very pretty, of course, but he had never said he was interested in photography. Had he?

"It's, uh, because you said you wanted to travel," Thor said awkwardly. "They're old issues, so I thought you could rip out the pages and decorate your room with them."

"You want to travel?" Frigga asked in surprise.

"Mm," said Loki noncommittally. Had that conversation really only been a few months ago? He opened one of the magazines to a photograph of a tiger stalking its prey. That would certainly look good over his desk. It was true that his room was rather bare at the moment. Would Heimdall mind, he wondered?

"Loki," Frigga admonished.

Loki quickly looked up and grinned at his brother. "I mean, thanks. I hadn't thought of that." Thor smiled in relief, and Loki stacked his presents on top of each other.

"Now, let's eat some breakfast," said Frigga. "Then you two should get cleaned up so we can go to church."

Thor glanced at Loki in time to see his smile fade as he looked at the floor.

* * *

When Thor came downstairs ready for church, he found Loki already dressed impeccably in his suit. Thor, who had taken the steps two at a time, paused at the bottom of the steps bashfully. Loki looked at him and arched an eyebrow. "What an amazing impression of an elephant."

"Boys, are you ready to go?" asked Odin as he came in, trying his tie. Loki nodded.

"Yup," said Thor, and then he realized that he had buttoned his dress shirt up all the way. He turned away from Loki and pretended to adjust his collar in the mirror near the foot of the stairs. Frigga came in, explaining that she still needed to find her purse, and everyone was sufficiently distracted that Thor didn't think anyone noticed when he quickly undid the first two buttons of his shirt. He turned around and put his hand in his pockets. Odin followed Frigga out of the room, trying to explain that he had last seen her purse on the kitchen table while she informed him that it wasn't there. Loki and Thor were left alone once again.

Loki made a _tsk _noise with his tongue and came over to Thor. "You would think you would have learned how to dress yourself after all these years," he muttered, and he reached up to do up the last two buttons.

Thor held his breath. "Yes," he managed. Loki always seemed to take longer to do this than necessary, and his scent made Thor feel almost dizzy. How did Loki manage to smell like that? His fingers brushed lightly against Thor's throat, just a feather touch that must have been an accident. Then he was pulling away and Frigga and Odin's voices were coming back towards them.

"_Now _we're ready," Odin said impatiently, and they were all hustled off to the car. Loki was quiet and still all through mass, but whenever Thor looked at him he seemed calm and almost content. Thor had no doubt that he wasn't paying attention, but Thor was grateful he had made the effort to come regardless.

* * *

Thor dated other girls after Jane. When it started to get serious, Thor would sometimes think about getting married and having kids. He wanted at least two, like him and Loki—maybe two boys, or a girl for him to heft into his arms and throw in the air, giggling, who would know with absolute certainty that her father would always be there to catch her.

Thor wondered if at his wedding, Loki would be there to button up the last two buttons of his dress shirt, look into his eyes, and say, _"Congratulations." _

But none of his relationships ever got that far.


End file.
